parut masih dikenang~!

first of all, nk clearkan any misunderstanding yg rase akan wujud lepas entry ni dikeluarkan.. i really value my way of life rite now~! dont wish it taken from me.. i once had a friend..really close friend.. (aku gune past tense tu sbb skrg kitorg mmg x close.. n mmg x dgr kaber berite..mayb from 'mukebuku' or frenster tu.. tau la but kite bulih tulih mcm2.. tgh gumbire bagai nak rak pon kite leh tulih kite tgh tensyen.. yg tgh tensyen bagai nk gile pon kite leh tulih tgh happy berguling2 mcm bdk kuning ym tuh..) humans are not that honest like u think we are..



pd satu tahap, aku igtkan we have nothing between us..yup~! mmg sweet.. rase mcm rapat giler.. bkn mcm.. mmg ye.. igtkan i can reveal my trueself to her.. if she is the one, i can do it.. tp rupenye, dunie tak seindah seperti mimpi, ataupon seperti angan2.. i have nothing left.. i showed her everything (bkn physical la.. jgn pk bkn2 yek.. dah la tgh emo.. jgn buat jahat ek~!) i have nothing left for me to keep to myself.. aku tau ade org kate aku nmpk byk rahsie.. ade jugak yg kate aku xpercaye kat kenkwn.. i deny those statement but at some point i knew.. kembali pd cerite asal.. bile sesuatu terjadi.. si dia makan hati.. n i knew about it.. i tried to apologise tp ape yg menyebabkan aku tawar hati.. dier g mengadu kat org lain.. n that made me lonely.. seriously.. n to add some flavours into it.. it was written in her blog.. my small heart crashed.. i trusted her.. n yet, it was stepped like it didnt have any value.. mayb for you tulih dlm blog tu xdek ape2.. but for me, who yet to found someone who i can trust wholeheartly tapi dah jd mcm ni.. what else i can do? after that i only can give, but i wont receive.. my heart refuses to open anymore..

yet, last nite.. something happened that force me to remember the incident.. bkn xnk cite kat sini.. tapi.. ntahla kenkdg something better be left unspoken.. btol x? nak kate aku kecik ati? yup tp pihak sane pon kecik ati gak.. i dare not to say that mine is more hurtful than theirs... i've learn my lesson.. what i know is, this is my journey.. how i want to colour my journey is all depends on me~!.. ahahhahaasng cite kan? yup sape kate idop ni susah? ape yg susah nye adalah kite.. kite yg buat hidop ni susah.. salah ke? cnthnye xdek duit? cari la.. nk cari cemane? byk care.. cume kite malas or rajin n byk pk.. "sng la ko kate mcm tu.. sure idop ko sng kan?" if i were u, i wont say that.. nape? sbb aku adalah aku.. n aku bkn org lain.. bulih ke kite bndgkan masalah kite ngan org lain? tak boleh.. nape? tu namenye kite buta sbb xnmpk ape yg kite ade.. instead, kite nmpk ape yg org lain ade.. ahahhaha aku rase kne ade peribahase "kicap di sberang kite nmpk tapi nasik ayam kat atas riba xnmpk lak"..:P oklahh.. luahan kejap sbb tertibe teremo td.. so nk ilangkan emo di hati nih.. tulih entry kejap.. okei smbg wat keje~! hehe

wassalam

Tahun baru? Hidup baru?

Pepagi hari datang opis (730pg tuh :P) not really in the mood nk wat keje.. so kekdg layann berblog.. hehe.. kalau sakit kepale pressure keje atau carik bug tp x jumpe huhu.. layan bace blog org lain.. bile bace blog org lain, bulih la nmpk cemane seseorg tu jage blog dier cemane.. mksdnye ape yg dier nk tersimpan dlm blog dier.. kekdg bile 'imbas kembali' (cant find the right word) entry2 lame..

"isk ape la aku tulih selame nih.. dah dekat 4 thn berblogging.. dptkah aku mengusik hati pembace?"
"dapat ke diorg terime ape yg aku tulih?"
"meluatkah diorg bile bace bende2 yg aku tulih nih"
"hipokritkah aku nih bile aku nk tulih ikut ape rase hati n ikut ape pembace nk bace?.. mksd pembace nk bace tu.. ade yg nk tau ape interesting event yg berlaku dlm hidup si kerdil nih.. ade gak nk tau ape stand aku dlm sesuatu hal"..

aihh~!

Bile masuk thn baru nih.. aku dah lupe ape azam aku thn lepas.. sure korg pelik kan? nope bg aku x pelik.. sometimes when ur taget or ur ambitions are impossible for u to achive.. what's left is forget about it n move on to ur new target..

ape azam aku thn nih? nak tau ke? huahuahua.. azam thn ni x tinggi mcm thn lepas (aku agak2 la.. seyes aku dah lupe:P) azam aku thn nih.. aku nk hidop spt mane yg aku rancang.. well kite sume tau hidup kite x semestinye spt mane yg kite rancang.. well we can make it happen if we really follow the given instructions.. ape tu? "Al-Quran n As-Sunnah" yup..~! kekdg ade terbace kat memane.. either kat blog org lain.. laman web ke.. terbace kat newspaper ke.. ayat nih.. "Are you holding your destiny in your hand?" kekdg kitenye intepretasi (btol ke eja?:P) kite terhdp destiny tu berbeza2.. ade yg kate nasib.. ade yg kate takdir.. bg aku, destiny tu ape yg akan tertulih dlm buku hidup kite.. ade yg akan n ade yg dah tertulih.. (nih sume pendpt aku yg kerdil nih.. as aku dh tulih kat tepi tu.. dont take my opinion bulat2.. n jgn amik opinion aku nih utk menjd bukti dlm perbahasan or perbincangan.. dgn kate lain.. to justify ur opinion) so adekah kite sdg memegang hidup kite sndr ataupon kite membiarkan ape yg berlaku, itulah hidup kite> huhuhuu.. sestgh org mmg suke(ermm bkn sukeyg mbawe mksd dier akan sentiase buat tp yg bermksd dier prefer berbdng yg lain) tentukan idop dier bile terjadi sesuatu.. well ape yg aku leh ckp dari pengalaman aku sndr.. jgn sangke panas terik hingge ke ptg.. mungkin hujan akan berlaku tp ade jugak possibility berlaku ribut taufan.. entah tornado ke.. tsunami ke.. btol kan?

oklah.. nk masuk opis hour dah.. nk wat keje huhu.. idea? gune idea thn lepas(31hb 12 laa) to make it works.. then kalo bugs gak.. ermm aku kne tukar framework kot.. huhu keje aku nih bkn psl BANYAK keje.. tp sbb asik bugs jek.. dier jd byk la.. sbb kene tukar script.. huhuhuhuuu

oklaa.. chow dulu..
p/s ditujukan utk sume: jom boikot mcD, disneyland, coke, n seangkatan dgnnye x-(

~Lagu angin~ lalalala..

salam..

sure bosan ek tgk lagu kat bwh.. ahahhaha meh nok kabor bakpe owg post sinih.. ahahhahaa.. dah lebih kurg seminggu dok layan cite 'The Painter of Wind'..(tp abes2 gak.. sbb busy:P) best ke x? mmg best.. cite korea la.. cite skrg tp setting nye zaman dulu.. kisahnye psl sorg gadis umur 18 bercite2 nk jd pelukis diraja.. so terpakse menyamar jd lelaki sbb lelaki je leh jd pelukis diraja.. n dier bertemu la ngan sorg laki yg kemudiannye jd cikgu dier.. ade byk la suke duke.. xleh la nk cite sbb aku tgk pon baru sampai eps 8.. ahhahahahha.. aku xsure la nk kate creative ke mmg hampeh cite nih.. sbbnye bulih kate ape2 bulih jd dlm cite nih.. cnth nye disbbkan si gadis tu menyamar jd laki.. so ade la romance ala jiwang gituu.. tp disbbkan dier nyamar jd laki.. so dier jd cenderung pd pompuan.. hahahha mmg sampai eps 8 tuh.. dier ade suke kat sorg pompuan nih.. hahahah sume org kate lesbian la.. ape la.. pastu cikgu dier lak.. konflik dalaman ke arah gay.. ahahha sbb dier suke kat kononnye 'bdk laki' td.. :P (sape yg tgk cite coffee prince kdrama gak.. tau la camne konflik dalamannye..:P)

nway psl cite tuh.. kalo nk tgk.. aku galakkan.. kalo xminat xyah tgk.. hihi senang cite.. btol x.. aku mmg hantu bab cite korea, jepun, anime, movie ormputeh.. ape2 la.. yg layann gitu.. cume tolak drama melayu ngan indon n seangkatan dgn nye.. ala type2 cite venezuela la.. :D

lagu kat bwh nih.. tertibe terase suke lak.. ini angkara aku dok sedut lagu dari kerol 6 la nih.. pastu dok melagho ngan dier psl lagu jiwang2.. sampai aku pon kne tempias.. so time jiwang2 gituu.. aku pon layann la lagu nih.. memule aku igtkan pompuan nyanyi cume suare dier besar ke ape.. bile tgk vclip nih.. lahhh laki ke yg nyanyi.. bile aku search2 google2 wiki2.. rupenye laki nih femes la gak kat korea n kat luar korea pon ade yg minat.. :P ape2 la.. aku jenis yg minat lagu.. bkn minat org.. kalo org, aku minat pelakon.. hehe (oh my takeshi kaneshiro:X)

oklahh wa chow dulu..(jeles ngan parents aku yg tgh dating tgk cite transporter 3.. hukhuk)

~Song of the wind ~Jo Sung Mo

Under that bright moon, you and I, are separated by so little

When I almost touch you, your gaze turns towards that hazy memory

If I live on, can I call on you again?

It’s hard to make a sound, my breathing will stop, I continue trying to call to you

It’s as if the wind has carried you here, fleeting like the twilight

Like a dream of childhood, like a young girl’s dream, this warm wind

Confidently, you lift your head to walk to the ends of the world.

It’s already passed by, this youthful dream, and we are far from one another

The decision to stop waiting, keeps you awake at nights

In the dark of night, you continue to paint

It’s as if the wind has carried you here, fleeting like the twilight

Like a dream of childhood, like a young girl’s dream, this warm wind

Confidently, you lift your head to walk to the ends of the world

It’s already passed by, this youthful dream, and we are far from one another

Life goes on as usual, seeking for you when you live like the wind

My heart, is like that wind

I am the only one at your side, you are the only one at mine, I wanted to use this to embrace you

My heart is being gently cleansed by the passing wind

On that blue mountain, you shine to illuminate the world

Confidently, you lift your head to walk to the ends of the world

In the dark night, shine on my fluttering heart

Na nararara…

Under the limpid moonlight, I call out your name

Wherever you go, remember to feel the wind’s longing.

Hari-hariku.. bahagie? hmm..

Ade a few ppl yg tag aku suh buat beberape soklan yg menarik.. tp sowi yek.. setiap kali nak jwb tag mengtag tu.. tenet prob la.. firefox prob la.. hukhuk dugaan sungguh.. hukhuk

nie aku nk cite kejadian pg td..
aku agak lmbt pg td.. sampai tmpt tunggu tekci tu 20 minit lmbt.. bile aku dongak je kepale nk fokus ke tmpt tekci dtg.. satu tekci lalu.. halamak~! geram.. geram.. geram.. sbb aku lmbt 5 saat.. ahahaha xpe.. aku tunggu lagi.. ok.. dpt la.. xdek la lame sgt kene tunggu mcm hari biase..:P
naik.. ckp nk g mane n dier kompemkan laluan mane aku nak.. tekci pon bergerak menuju destinasi.. huahuahua.. xlame lepas tu.. dier start berbual.. (cite biase:P)

si pemandu tekci: adek ni, nk g keje ke?
(hari ni aku pakai baju blouse labuh kaler kelabu, tudung kelabu bunge2 ngan jeans biru.. pastu pikul beg sandang bwk laptop kaler kelabu biru:P)
aku: aah
si pemandu tekci: keje kat situ ek? (sri hartamas)
aku: aah
(bkn aku xnk layan tp aku pnah jumpe pemandu tekci yg kalo kite layan lebih2 dier terlebih2 lak nnt:P)
si pemandu tekci: saye igtkan ari nie xkeje.. rupenye keje ye..
aku: ari ni keje, esok xkeje..
si pemandu tekci: oh.. kesiannye kene keje ari ni..
aku: ahahahaha dah nk buat mcm mane.. dah la ari ni tgh minggu.. nk baru masuk feel wiken tp jumaat kene keje..
si pemandu tekci: oh adek ni dah berumah tangge ke?
aku: oh belom lagik..
si pemandu tekci: oh saye igtkan dah kawen..
aku: alaa keje pon x sampai sethn pon lg..

--udah.. udah..

mmg byk bende aku dari dr pemandu tekci.. isk cite la.. bkn object ke ape.. mcm karenah.. nk cite mmg x abes..
aku nih nmpk mcm gaye dah kawen ke? kalo tnye bdk opis aku.. xyah ckp ar.. mmg on d dot diorg ckp aku tue.. yela.. yela.. aku ngaku tue.. :P aku brape x suke gaye matured.. huhu eh.. bkn x ngaku dah tue.. tue tu mmg dah tue.. tp bg aku aku nak main2.. so kalo gaye aku matured tp perangai nk main2.. haa.. tu x sesuwai la.. :D
ade gak aku jumpe pemandu tekci yg x byk ckp.. kekdg tu ade yg x ckp lgsg.. hahahha aku pon layan senyap je la.. tp kekdg dah la senyap.. radio pon x psg lgsg.. :-<>
kekdg ade yg ajak aku borak psl politik.. (yg nih paling byk laa setkt nih..) n kebykkan nye sokong pkr.. ahahhahaa aku x kesah.. (tmbh2 lak aku yg 'tumpang' dier.. mau dier tinggal aku kat tgh2 highway tu.. cemane la aku nk balik nnt..:P thn lori je la ahahah) kekdg ade gak yg dok membebel kat aku psl gelagat penumpang la.. psl jalan x elok la.. ahahhaha aku layan jek..
ade satu kali tu.. mmg teruk giler aku kne time tu.. bende yg dier ajak borak mmg teruk.. dier dah tue tp menurut dier (dier kate la.. aku xtau sesahih mane fakta dier x tau la) dier x kawen lg.. pastu de ke ptt dier cite kat aku ape dier nk buat kalo dpt isteri mude.. aduhai.. aku mmg xlayan.. tp ape aku nk buat kat blakang tu.. naseb baik la perjlnan aku tu x lame.. dlm 10 minit jek.. jln plak x jam.. last2 sampai gak aku.. mase tu aku xtau bende tu aku kene repot.. huhu selamat la pakcik tu ngan aku.. kalo x. huh.. sampai ke mahkamah kite jumpe.. hehe

eh oklaa.. pnjg la plak.. nnt aku cite lain lak ek.. aku mmg rase pengalaman bertekci ni bende yg berharge.. bkn sbb pakcik td.. isk (aku xnk ckp kaum or agame mane.. sbb aku rase sume akan dijudge gak nnt [-(..) tp pengalaman sume nih mmg susah nk jumpe n x same ngan pengalaman yg org cite.. heheh okla nk layann smbg buat keje opis lak.. nih melagho kjp.. (pdhal nk bulih siap satu entry nih.. berjam2.. hahahahaa)

mata ne~! :-"
ws

For someone - maybe you or dont read!

hari-hari ade je bende baru.. sama ada psl keje ataupon frenship ataupon family.. tp sape kate x bosan? bkn bosan.. ermm it's not a right word.. oh.. mksd saye xdek peningkatan.. ermm cnth nye kalo maen game.. kite nmpk la point terkumpul.. btol x? tp dlm hidop kite sehari2.. kite nmpk ke point kite yg terkumpul tu? nop.. kite x nmpk.. so kite tau ke? nop.. kite x tau.. n seyes, kalo kite tau mknenye either kite syok sndr ataupon kite benci diri sndr.. believe me(hehe i think it wont convince ppl if we say believe me~!)

ekceli nk write abt what we think abt our parents.. this is respon to one of frens.. yup mayb i'm not brave enuf to say this directly to her face but somehow i feel like writing this so that saye akan pk dlm2 psl nih.. yup, it may sounds like i'm selfish but i think ppl r quite jual ikan.. sbb nye? kite xkan pk psl org 24 hrs.. kalo ade org ckp ade mknenye dier hipokrit..

baik, kembali pd bende yg saye nk pk.. hehe sesetgh dr kite punye parents yg kekdg kite x brape berkenan ngan perangai diorg (kalo gune perkataan x suke.. xelok lak hihi) tp kekdg saye pk balik.. mcm la parents kite berkenan ngan perangai kite.. ye dak? ape yg menyebabkan parents kite still x give up ngan kite.. still nk perbetolkan kite.. sbb diorg syg kite? knape diorg syg kite? sbb kite nih darah daging diorg? ade gak yg buang anak.. ade gak yg g letak parents kat umah kebajikan.. sbb diorg nk suruh kite jage diorg mase dier x larat nnt? ade gak parents yg lg kaye dr anak2 (huahuahua cnth nye saye la..:P)

saye try xnak tulih ape yg parents buat baik n bestnye diorg.. sbb saye pon x berkluarge lg.. saye x pnah merasai mcm mane ade anak n such.. saye pnah tulih psl saye ade tgk satu cite psl parents rase lega n gembire bile anak2 diorg buat hal n bg peluang utk parents tu bimbang psl anak2 diorg.. sesetgh org xkn phm cite ni.. tp ekteli ape yg nk disampaikan adalah.. parents yg busy mcm mane pon kalo xdek bende utk difikirkan psl anak2 diorg.. diorg akan rase sunyi.. n rase mcm x diperlukan.. kalolah ade parents yg pk sebalik nye.. pk yg better anak2 jgn buat hal lgsg.. sbb diorg xnak lgsg pk psl anak2 diorg.. saye rase better diorg amik robot je la sbg anak.. sng cite.. even nk kate bela binatang pon akan timbul masalah.. x pon main game simulation..(cnth nye pet society hehe) yup, xkan ade masalah.. cume bg pakaian selengkapnye, bg mkn, sediekan tmpt n mandikan dier.. so besarlah dier jd bende utk kite main2.. (bak kate gamerz, x challenging lgsg:P) bkn nk suruh buat hal pd parents.. tp tgk, bile kite buat hal or timbul masalah, diorg akan try selesaikan masalah tu.. mayb ade yg xkan tp sometimes it gives them satisfaction..

huahuahua oklah.. nk masuk kol 9 dah.. waktu opis~! hihi.. kalo x pueh hati ngan my xplanation.. komen je la.. as i said b4.. ape yg ditulih di sini semate2 my stand.. bkn fact utk menjustifykan sesuatu.. hihi

sore ja'~! mata ne~!

Saje bile dok wat keje copy+paste~!

Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There's gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.


Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

Pelik ke nape saye letak lagu ni? ermm hehe td copy n paste script.. then kat playlist lagu kuar lagu nih.. tertibe rase nk menghayati lirik dier.. xsalah kan? s long s u take what is good from it.. bak kate sorg kwn saye.. amik yg jernih.. air keruh mcm milo jom kite minum ahahhaa.. no hidden meaning ek.. if u wanna hear about how my everyday's life..u better dont.. y? ermm because it somewhat busy n boring actually.. sometimes i cant even see my improvement n that what has been stressing me out.. huhuhu.. but just like what nickelback told me (?) there's gotta be somebody for me out there~! lalalalaa.. xdek ape2 la.. i know i'm not alone(really contradicting what i wrote in my blog.. hahaha) altho i cant see them.. but i really want to believe that.. if not, i dont know where else i should go.. huhuhuu

k lah.. smbg keje ek.. pd yg satu generasi yg saye ngna thn ni baru start keje, keje elok2 jgn jadi mcm saye yg keje x tentu hala.. pd yg tgh blaja lg, blaja elok2 jgn jd mcm saye gak.. pd dah berthn2 keje, keje elok2 gak supaye saye bulih amik cnth dr anda hhiihihii..

bye~! selamat berjuang~!

tensi.. tensi.. pls go away~!

actually i wanna write about my first-time-celeb-eid'ul-adha-in-4-years.. but came back to office with unfinished works really get to my head.. at some point 2day, i realize that sometimes u'll b drifted away after u decided something or misunderstood something.. but it only takes a glance to realize that it actually a mirage~!..
In this project, i've work on it for about 4 months.. and it actually just my misunderstood that it actually doesn't work!!! (i mean not because the script is wrong but how i understand it is a bit different to how it is supposed to be) how frustrating~!..
huhu.. tensi..
huhu.. tensi..
huhu.. tensi..
huhu.. tensi..

i really wanna go to dayah's wedding~! huhu.. but i think i have to sacrifice that plus my sunday.. (nk tmbh geleng kepale lagik x to my clumsiness? hehe) i left my paperwork in my bro's car when we just came back from holiday~! (also sandal that i just bought!!)
:-<
:-<
:-<

sabo je la.. (nk tmbh geleng kepale lg x?) my laptop is overflowed with trojans and virus when i scanned last time.. y? because my anti-virus(bitdefender~!!! recommended by the company where i bought that laptop) doesn't wanna do the scheduled scan.. yesterday i already scanned my 2.5" hard-disk.. all the trojans and virusses found have been either deleted or healed.. but when i scanned the HD this morning.. again, i found about 200+ trojans and virusses.. waaaa :((
my windows (xp pro) in my laptop has gone crazy (bcoz i scanned the laptop not in safe mode) the system is a bit disturbed.. but becoz it is xp (now i acknowledge vista huahuahua) it still run like nothing happened.. hahahahhaa (n i cant even open task manager:(( )
ok2.. enuf enuf..

lets get back to work~!! pls make du'a for me~!

sore ja'~! mata ne~!

Yup~ this is me

as i write this entry, i feel really tired.. not physically but mentally.. really~! sometimes uninviting headaches playing in my head.. to certain ppl.. here is my message..

It's not that i dont want to contact u guys.. but my life rite now really straining me doing so.. wake up at 6.30am.. subuh, then tidy up my room and after that have a shower.. then 830am start my journey to office (by taxi) reach office normally at 930am.. then start working.. with the workload n boss normally goes back a bit late ;))) dinner at 7pm.. after that continue work for a bit.. 8pm out to catch taxi for my journey to go home.. normally reach home 9-10pm.. yes~! this is my life..

i'm not that lucky to start everything from above 0.. yup~! i start from -ve.. i wont say believe me, but.. nah i dont know.. i still have my belief.. n i'm still conscious about it.. really, i wont say believe me, but one day i'll continue my journey.. yes, it's not easy here.. i'm struggling here.. pls dont say things like i dont want to be friend with u.. it hurts me as much as i have no one to confide about this rite now..

pls, all i ask is be usnuzon wif me.. n trust me, it wont hurt even a bit on ur side..
thnx for everything~! really, very2 much.. n really2 luv ya all~!

Apa maksud kejadian aneh??

Seperti biasa.. rutin harian saya, baca paper psl berita hari ni.. dah tiba2 hati saya terasa serba tak kena bila baca berita ini... saya pernah merasa makan sepinggan.. hati teringin sangat mencium pipi dan dahi mama n papa.. adakah bila saya berbuat demikian (mungkin buat dlm mase sehari kot duhh~!) maka lepas ni saya akan mendapat kemalangan... sedih saya tgk n mendgr persepsi silap manusia skrg.. makan sepinggan itu sunnah.. cium pipi dan dahi parents itu dapat pahala, besar ganjarannya.. tapi pabila menyesal yang menyusul selepas itu.. apakah yang tinggal? tidak, saya tak kata pahala akan ditarik balik.. tidak sama sekali hal itu akan berlaku.. tapi cuba bayangkan perasaan yang telah pergi..

si suami: pertama kali saya merasa makan sepinggan dgn ahli keluarga saya.. wahh nikmat skali.. terasa hubungan kami sgt rapat.. seolah2 kami berada dlm dunia kami sendiri..

si anak: dah lama x cium pipi ngan dahi mama n papa, sayang sgt mama n papa.. naseb baik la sempat ckp hari tu.. kalau tak, pasti saya akan menyesal sampai bila2..

tapi apa yang 'mereka' khabarkan?

Berkongsi makan sepinggan bersama suami dan anak-anak buat pertama kali seolah-olah menjadi petanda Lans Koperal Rohana Ahmad, 26, akan kehilangan orang yang disayanginya.

inikah cara org malaysia berfikir skrg? siapakah yg memulakan pemikiran sebegitu? cuba tenung dlm diri kita.. tak usah menunding jari ke arah org lain.. cuba buka cara berfikir kita sendiri.. cuba fikir dari sudut lain.. adakah kita akan terkongkong dalam cara pemikiran sebegitu? adakah kita akan terikat, dirantai oleh pemikiran yang boleh saya katakan sempit dan kolot itu?

kalau saya seorang yg berfikiran terbuka tapi org lain masih di takuk lama.. tak guna jugak kan..

ya betul, tapi biarlah kita yang membentuk masyarakat bukannya masyarakat yang membentuk kita.. =D so ape kate anda? sudi berubah? ataupun anda sudah berada di zon selamat anda? comfort zone? selesakah anda? hehe.. it wont cost u a cent to think for a second..

daa.. mata ne~!(see ya next time~!)

Manusia zaman sekarang~!

Salamz..

Kenape mak nyah tidak dibantu?

Sebelum anda terus membaca entry ini, sila layari berita di atas.. hehe saje nk promote bace berite semase.. pagi2 masuk opis.. 'on' computer.. duduk.. lepaskan mengah dulu.. baru start bukak ape yg patut.. hehe biase la.. rutin hari2 bekerja.. =P then bukak laman utusan n berite harian.. pastu opismate panggil brekpes.. biase la.. pekena capati mamak bestari pepagi kalo sempat.. wpon dah pukul 930 time tu.. (masuk opis kol 930am) brekpes penting utk kehidupan seharian.. hehehe (saje je jek:P)

lepas penuh perut isi ngan capati n secawan nescafe tarik.. masuk opis n start buat keje.. sambil2 buat keje.. bace la paper hari ni.. mate tertibe menjurus (mmg kene berguru balik ngan mak aku nih.. bahase melayu hancuss) ke arah satu tajuk berite yg aku anggap menarik.. (mayb sesetgh org perasan dah tukar penggunaan kata diri.. dari saye kpd aku.. hehe ntah la.. sbb pembace blog ni pon dah mcm2 haha..) tajuk berite tu adalah spt di atas..

pelik kan? mebi sesetgh org kate x pelik.. sbb tu adalah salah satu care sesetgh org pk utk menyelesaikan masalah yg berkaitan.. huhu tapi sbenarnye.. cube fikir kejap.. ke manekah bende ni tuju? ni bukan nk fire sesiape tapi cueb kite fikir dari sudut pndgan lain.. nanti tidak lama lagi, akan ade community yg memperagungkan mereka (skrg dah ade community ini tp masih secara tidak terang-terangan.. mungkin sestgh akan mengatakan bahawa sudah nature diorg mcm tu.. tapi betul ke tu nature diorg.. nature kite sudah ditetapkan dan kite sendiri yang decide adakah akan menerima nature itu ataupun cuba menukarnye.. sepatutnye pihak yang terlibat memikirkan cara bagaimana hendak memperbetulkan balik apa yang tersempang.. bukannye menerima yang tidak betul dan cuba memperbetulkan persepsi org lain terhadap bende yang kita 'rasa' betul.. hahhahhaa.. xmo lak org kate emo lelebih.. :P

nway.. ni lah salah satu care pemikiran diri yg baru sbelah kaki menjejak dunia nyata.. mata pon baru bukak separuh.. mungkin org kate naive.. mungkin org kate emo.. tp bg aku sume tu perlu utk sampai ke arah cara pk yg sepatutnye n kematangan akal.. betol x? mane ade org yg berkepompong dlm dunie sndr pastu kate dier sudah matang akal n pemikiran.. itu name nye egoist n narcissist (excessive self-love)..

hehe.. serius ek entry ni? well.. i'm not kind of person yg suke tulih diary.. i like to show what i believe in and what i see in psychological way.. but i dont like ppl who just follow the majority way of thinking.. that's not unique.. (if everyone is unique then they are not unique anymore.. hehe) oklahh.. kalo ade sesape nk cdgkan saye buat entry psl something.. or nk tnye saye pendpt psl something (i'm not a notorious person or someone that general ppl should listen to.. tapi aku suke bertukar pendpt psl care pemikiran psl sesuatu bende.. hehe)

oklah.. (dah la wat entry ni kat opis.. mentang2 la bosses xdek..sukati jek) see u next time.. hehe (sori dah laem x update blog.. byk je bende berlaku tp masa tidak mengizinkan.. isk salahkan mase lak.. sbenarnye saye yg tidak mengizinkan mase.. hmm?? ape2 lah.. hehe)

bye mata ne~! see ya next time~!
wassalam..~!

I'm the lucky one~!

Salaamz~!

i dont have that much free time to update my blog.. but there's someone that i want to show her my greatest appreciation.. mama, i know that i'm not a good daughter.. but truly u're my greatest treasure.. love u, mama~!

I'm the lucky one~! by Anuar Zain

Ku persembahkan satu cita ku..
Setulus hati hanyalah untukmu
dan ku lakukan semampu aku tuk menyayangimu
hingga kau merasa jadi pujaan ku
meski bercinta kadang tak indah
tapi tuk buktikan kau yg terindah
dan kupastikan..i'm the lucky one..
nikmati cinta lebih dari segalanya....

jiwaku ini yg tak tersentuh
kini terasa sejak bersamammu
berikan hangat hinggaku x mampu berjauh drmu
kerna kau yg bisa buatku bahagia

meski bercinta kadang tak indah
tp tuk buktikan kau yg terindah
dan ku pastikan i'm the lucky one
nikmati cinta lebih dari segalanya

caramu membuatku x berdaya
hatiku pun ribut terjaga
kau ubah hidupku ini jadi sempurna

meski bercinta kadang tak indah
tp tuk buktikan kau yg terindah
dan ku pastikan i'm the lucky one
nikmati cinta lebih dari segalanya

What about now?

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

 Hi~! yeah.. it's been a long time.. 5 months.. sorry! nah~! i dont wanna ask for forgiveness.. y? i dont know.. really~ i dont know.. i've been straining myself from writing here... why? well, u can say my heart was broken.. 

for those who know what happened to me 5 months ago.. i know that you feel like u dont know me anymore.. but i'm not strong.. u guys keep telling me to face the problems.. but i'm not that strong.. all i can do is take a small step one by one..  to you mayb it is a really small step.. but for me, it took a lot more.. please dont expect ppl are like you.. i dont wanna blame you that i've becoming like this.. but here i am, the result from what happened.. (yeah, exactly sounds like i'm blaming you guys~ sorry!) 

i dont wanna let my efforts wasted like this.. but to pick up what've left.. it's not gonna b the same.. mayb i sounds like i feel like i'm the pitiful one here.. n seems like i dont care about you at all.. but this is me, result from what happened.. 

i'm still searching~.. searching for a brave me, useful and honest... i'm not going to ask you to trust me anymore.. it hurts you n me.. but it's not like i want this to happen.. however, as you guys always say.. maybe this is the best for me.. 

Setiap kali - Devotees

Setiap kali mendapat nikmat
jarang kusedari itu pemberian-Mu
terkadang rasa itu kerana
segala usaha dan penat lelahku sahaja

setiap kali ditimpa musibah
kumengeluh risau bertambah gelisah
hingga terlupa pada-Mu Allah
tempat kembali segala masalah

oh Tuhan Yang Maha Penyayang (...maha penyayang..)
leraikanlah aku dari keluh kesah (..uuu..)
yang membelenggu jiwa dan fikiran (..dan fikiran...)
ditambah dengan hasutan syaitan (..uuu..., haaa)

kurniakanlah kepadaku ketabahan (..ketabahan..)
singkapkanku hikmah segala ketentuan (..uu…)
Moga sinar-Mu berikanku pedoman (…pedoman..)
Hanya pada-Mu segala ketetapan (…haa…)

(backup)
oh tuhan yang maha penyayang
leraikanlah aku dari keluh kesah
yang membelenggu jiwa dan fikiran
ditambah dengan hasutan syaitan
durjana yang sentiasa mengarahku
kepada kemurkaanmu
kurniakanlah kepadaku ketabahan
tunjukkan ku hikmah segala ketentuan
Moga sinar-Mu berikanku pedoman
Hanya pada-Mu segala ketetapan
Ya Allah kau redhailah diri ini


seandainya diri ini
mampu meraih cinta keredhaan-Mu
seandainya akulah insan yang terpilih
pimpini hidupku

change of mood..

ermm... if you notice, i've just changed my music playlist.. well.. the songs in there are the songs that i'm currently listening to.. really like those songs in there.. hope you like them, too.. hihi enjoy the songs and don't forget to take 'pengajaran' from those songs k.. hihi

uhibbukunna fillah..

wassalam

i don't know

Where's the edge of the world? I feel like running toward the end of the world.. I've never cried this hard before.. yup.. hahaa hari ini dalam sejarah.. well, i just want keep a written history about 2day.. as i said b4.. one of my hard-work results was out 2day.. it took me more than 24 hours to gather up courage to open the result.. and i put a lot of effort into it.. well.. it's not that i blame qadar about this.. but now i dont know what to do anymore.. if i'm not in my final year, i know that i still have some chances.. but now? what should i do? what do i have to do?

i still feel the headache from crying so hard just now, but i've calmed down.. thinking hard what should i do.. but i really don't know.. nor i have anyone to pour out all these frustration.. i'm begging to Allah SWT everyday but i restrained myself.. because i'm afraid. afraid of going overboard.. i dont know.. this feeling of dont know really.. huhuhu =((

wassalam

Cuak..

One of my hard-work result was out yesterday.. this you can say that determine my study here.. till now i can't find the courage to open it.. it is just a click away.. waaaaaaaaaaa do you ever feel like that? whenever i think about it, my whole body starts aching.. i feel the pain like i think my fingernails are being pulled out.. i cant even feel what's in my mouth.. i dont even know what my expression is.. feel like my heartbeats are beating uncontrollable..
i want to know.. i dont want to know.. really, ignorance is a bliss.. i want to know.. i dont want to know.. i have to know.. i need to know but i'm scared.. i know that it's all been written.. and the ink is already dried up.. but.. i dont know anymore.. huhu Yana said that there's nothing that we can do.. the result is already out and all we have to do is look and believe it.. waaaaaaaaaa i dont know anymore.. waaaaaaaaaaa =((

what should i do? should i just open it? or should i just wait till my emaan is at the peak? yeah.. i'm such a weak person.. i even dont have the courage to see what's in front of me.. huhuhuuu

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'alamin.. please give me courage..

sometimes, i feel like i want to run away from reality.. but that's weak.. i want to become strong.. if i look back my life so far.. u can say that i got whatever i want.. my education is not so bad so far.. but now, i think this time i have to face His test in education.. waaaaaaaaa what should i do? yeah.. i think i've been living in a box.. afraid to face what's outside.. huhuu.. i guess i'll open the result after i pray dhuhr.. huhu

wslm

One of my fav songs

Salam..

Hui hui hui every1.. here is one of my fav songs.. i only play this song when i feel so melancholic.. hahahaaa.. reminding about these a few days that i got left to be with every1 i love here.. i might never see every1 that i love after this.. this thought makes me feel that i'm really alone.. i cant think of any other friends that i have.. well there're a lot to count actually.. it's just i'm not that confident to contact them.. hahahhaa well enjoy the song..





So I'm going to go see you right now, that's what I've decided
I want to have you listen to this song, that I have in my pocket

Quietly, I turned up the volume, to make sure that it was there

Oh good-bye days, right now I've got the feeling that things are going to change; so long to everything up until yesterday
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

I pass one ear phone over to you
And this moment slowly streams over to you

Can you really love me? Even though I sometimes lose my way

Oh good-bye days, right now things inside my heart have begun to change, alright
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

If possible, I'd like to not have sad feelings
But they'll come to me, won't they?
In those times, it would be good, if only I could say
"Yeah, hello! My friend", with a smile

When we both are humming the same song, I wish for you to be by my side
I'm glad that we were able to meet each other, with such an uncool kindness

... Good-bye days

Friends..

Just now, we had a small (?) party for Husna, Ecot, Tiah and Inayah.. their birthdays are in this month (seldom get celebrated because the month of exam hahah) it's quite havoc..

when i looked at their faces.. I had this feeling.. feeling of 'ah! this is my friends' .. you know that we are always alone.. (alone and lonely is different =P) in the road of our life.. we'll stumble upon some people that we claim them as our friends.. but we'd never know.. we might never met them after this.. as i was thinking like this, i cherished the moment.. the moment that i might never see them after this.. 'eh! mayb i can get friends like them when i go back to malaysia'.. this kind of thought always being played in my head.. but i can't imagine the moment without my current friends' faces.. i just don't know.. because i don't know the future..

there are a few of them that i get to see them every day.. but sometimes i notice that i've place some kind of boundaries between us.. there are a few that i see them everyday but i feel so inferior because they know my weaknesses.. there are a few that i can't see them every day but get really close when we meet.. but i've never tried to contact them when i can't meet them.. there are a few that i really want to meet them although i dont have free time at that time.. but because of i'm afraid that i might become nuisance to others so i refrain myself.. there are a few who look like they really respect me but i feel really depressed about it because i know that i don't deserve their respect.. one day, someone said to me that i'm nice to everyone and it was easy to befriend with me.. and also i dont need to put a lot of effort to get a lot of friends and attention.. hahaa.. i just laughed at that time.. but in my heart, i was crying.. i dont know why.. mayb because i've put a lot of efforts but others can't see them.. it seems wasted.. but it doesnt..

i only have 2 months to collect as much as possible memories in this circle.. i dont know if i'll meet people like them in the future.. i dont dare to think and every night i beg Allah SWT.. i've lose my confidence.. it all has been flushed down to the drain since that incident.. i dont even want to remember it.. it's not only painful but also leaves a scar.. that's why i said i'm fine without friends.. hahahhaa i guess i'm really lonely..

i wanna start anew.. i've so many plans... but.. i dont dare to plan to get many friends... because i'm the worst friend.. i'm scared..

wslm

life changing

haiyaaaa!!! we meet again! ^_^ hahahhaaa.. bukn face-to-face pon.. yesterday I applied for a job.. ermm it's about programming.. and i really like it a lot.. i mean yeahh coz I met the job requirement.. hihi.. ermm recently i'm reading a novel.. an english novel.. titled sophie's world.. you can say the novel is a beginner's manual about philosophy.. ok back to the job.. b4 i can get short-listed to job-seekers who can apply for the job, there's something that i ahve to do, which is answering a question beforehand.. and the question is "why do you want to work in our company?" well.. it's very simple and general question but i spent almost half an hour thinking what to answer.. yeah.. of course i dont know about the company so i cant say that "I think i can contribute a lot in your company because blah blah blah.." i never heard this company before.. and this is the first time i heard about this company and it's in the job-seeker's site... hahhahaa also i dont want to write something that i will forget about it later.. mayb it's something that will determine whether i will get the job or not.. or mayb it's something that will make people laugh at me.. yeah of course.. i'm applying to be a programmer.. not a lecturer or a philosopher.. there's a big gap.. people said that just write something that will please the reader but for me.. nope.. at least let it be something that about your true self.. mayb it sounds like lame or out-dated or naive.. but a single and small step may change your life forever.. recently i faced it... mayb we think that "owh, it's just a simple and insignificant decision, it wont affect my life.. " but later you will say "why didnt i take the other option? it's just a simple desicion.. blah blah.." yeah.. you will regret it.. ah no! i'm not saying that we should stop making a simple decision and lets keep worrying about the decision that we have to make.. no.. i'm just saying that if we make fun of/take things lightly about making a decision that may seems small and simple.. it will comes back to us.. hahahahaaa... okeh jauh benor.. saye nk tulih psl job td tu.. ok back to the job earlier.. then i wrote about a relationship between employee and employer.. oppss.. bukn yg mcm dlm drama tu.. ermm what i mean is.. between employer/company and employee, there's something we call trust.. the company trust their employee with the job or works which have the company's little (?) secret and in return, the employee can trust their company to take care of them.. then blah blah (i wrote in there la) at last i said (i mean wrote) i believe that i can trust the company to the point that i want to work in their company... haha it's very simple.. well it's not that i already got the job.. hihi.. if i get the job, i'll let you know k! ^_^

yesterday, i went to plattfield for a lil' jogging.. well this is for the first time haha.. yeah betul.. coz i just walked in plattfield before.. wahh.. haha.. really feel refreshed.. but i saw something i should see yesterday.. haahahaa lets not talk about it.. i feel 'tercemar'.. haha i want to go jogging like that again.. mayb 2day but when i remember about yesterday.. huhu.. hahahaa.. oklaahh.. ermm gonna continue my work.. hihi.. see ya next time =P
wassalam

With awareness, there is bitterness

With or without we realize, we're some kind of worst human of all. Why? Because we are not consistent in what we are doing. When the season comes, we go with it and when the season is gone our passionate also gone with the wind. Who decide the season? Human. We care less for the minor stuff like fashion, artist, art, culture etc etc. But as for our brotherhood? Why can't we be honest with ourselves? I'm also among those worst people. In my browser's bookmarks, there's a site that I can count with my finger how many times I open the site this month. When I realize it, I feel really bad and regret it a lot. When people are talking about Palestine, we busy ourselves with reading all those info and latest news about Palestine but when the the season cold (or cool? =P i think it's the same unliterally) down, we also cold down with the season. Why? Is it because of the feeling of wanting to show off that we care for our brothers and sisters that we take notice about them? What are our real intention really? I am not that good to preach people about what we should do or what should we avoid. We always hear people around us say (mayb that including us.. who knows) that we are not that good to tell others to do good deeds and leave what are haram for us to do, so we decide to live a life that simpler and common. What should we say to them? Should we leave it like that? Or should we meddle around with their life and future?

I've said this many times before. Human, all are selfish. Why? Because we are alone. We are alone in the life hereafter. People won't care about us or we don't have time/'power' to care about others. So what's the point of meddling around with others life and future? But

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, nescaya Dia menolong kamu dan menetapkan tapak kakimu" 47:7

Allah said this in al-Quran. Allah doesn't want the result, He wants the process. He knows the result and we should care less about the result because it's already written and the ink's already dried up. The philosophers since 500 B.M have been discussing about death and life but none of them can be so sure about their theories. Because none of them have been dead and revived. So they can't tell what is life and what is death. It's possible that we die within these a few seconds. Allah can do it. It's logic, we don't need scientific explanation. But what matter is what will happen after we died. Just like the story of Cinderella. We heard the story when she had to go through all the sad things just to be together with the prince and it was (or should i say 'is'? people still believe it and don't want to let it go) a happy ending. But who could guess what happen after their marriage? Is there any story about it? Can the king and queen accept her? Can Cinderella and the prince adapt their life to each other? We can't be sure. Why? Because they're still alive. Live in our belief. So where should we face our trust and belief? We all know the answer. The philosophers said that to all the questions, actually we already know the answer, thats why the questions exist. Lets think by ourselves. Do you ever heard that thinking also counted as an ibadah to Allah SWT? Yup. Hehe.

Maybe the flow of my blog entries is quite messed up, but I want to write about what we are thinking everyday. We aren't thinking in flow, am i right? Lets be someone who is better than yesterday =P

We surely don't know what's in others life, if we don't open our eyes toward others. Well, we can't say for sure that we understand them either. There's a guy that his life is very simple. Go to school, study, laugh with his friends, sometimes meet new friends then go back home. Have lunch and list goes on and on.. But one thing we never knew that we didn't realize that we threw a stone. We'd never knew that our action or our words or maybe our thinking may affect other's life. Maybe for us, it's something that very simple and it doesn't really matter to us but who knows that it may change his/her life. OK back to that simple guy's story. One day, that guy (okeh let's name him si A) saw his friend is being bullied (let's call his friend as si B). Then he as a very simple guy and still green in knowledge of social behavior, simply protected si B. Although he one who bullied si B has very high status in the society but si A didn't care about it. Then the bad guy's father went to see si A's guardians saying that si B did something wrong to his son. Although we know who is right and who is wrong but sometimes, that's the reality now. Status really have it their way. Si B asked si A to say nothing when they're confronted. But at last, si A can't keep quite about it and said that he is the one who did 'bad thing' to the mr. high status's son. Si A was punished but very severe because they actually know who is right and who is wrong but it was just unwritten law that never go against someone who has higher status than yours. To si A, it's simply something that he has to take for himself because of his act and it has nothing to do with others or si B. But for si B, it's an event.. a very important event in his life. When you throw a stone int a pond, you will see the surface of the water will change, not as calm as before. That's something that we can see, but in humans heart? We can't see it. Then, when si B scolded si A because standing up for him (si A), si A's guardian said that "see, you just throw another stone".. because si B has never care about his friends before but the scolding is a proof of
you care about other people, right?

You never know how big the riddle will be, nor you know the shape of the riddle in someone's heart. Knowing that, do you feel that you want to throw lots if stone everyday? Well, I dont know yours, but what i know for sure is who i am today is the result of thousands, millions if stne threw by others.

Wisest is someone who knows that he/she doesn't know

I can't agree more than this.
OK, lets stop for now, altho this is rather long entry.. hihi see ya
wassalam

throw away sad feeling

Someone asked me to add her into the list of ppl who are allowed to read my blog (let's call it the circle of my blog reader =P) well i'm glad tho.. coz i thought there's no one that i know or know me that read my blog.. it's just lame.. uncool.. stupid.. whatsoever.. hahahaa
I'm gonna leave my sad feeling behind.. i dont know.. mayb it is the best solution for me.. i can laugh it off.. i can brush it away.. but i didnt know that betrayal really leave me wounded.. really big and deep scar.. opss sori sori.. ok ok.. let leave it behind..

My revolution now is i'm going to read at least a book per week.. n this week book is about patient according to our beloved al-Quran.. i just reached the middle part.. well.. other than my course book.. i've never finished reading an english book except the one for children (ermm story book i mean.. haha) so it's kind of hard and amazing.. hahahhhhaa.. the book is about how the faithful ppl deal with everyday life through the patient and the comparison to the unbelievers.. well it really shocks me.. because all this while i thought i have at least a bit of the patient that al-Quran said.. but then it's not a bit the same.. i feel ashamed to Allah and myself.. hahhahha as ppl said nowadays.. shok sendiri.. =P before i read the book i thought.. owh this is just gonna be a reminder for myself.. when u said reminder.. then it must be something that i'd already heard about it.. but believe me.. when you read the book when u're in trouble.. automatically u will compare what the book said and what happened to you.. and believe me.. you will say that you are among the unbelievers.. because the characteristics of the faithfuls is just far from us.. believe me.. read the book.. from you believe that you have the patient as said in the al-Quran.. you find you are trying to practice the patient from scratch.. ermm wait.. i'm gonna find the book and write the title.. "the importance of patience in the Quran" by Harun Yahya.. it's just a thin book with about 93 pages.. someone gave it to me.. may Allah reward her/them..

oklah.. i feel somewhat refreshed after write something here.. altho i dont know whether this will be useful.. i'm not gonna erase/delete my jahiliyyah entries.. because i believe that all of the entries are me.. i'm the one who wrote them.. mayb you can't believe it when you read about something that you thought that's not me at first.. but i want to change.. only Allah know if i've changed or not.. what's that matter is the effort.. not the result, am i right? hehe.. may the best be bestowed upon you and do ur best in whatever you do..

wassalam

Since I blocked any entering into this blog, I've been writing bad and sad things.. I wonder why? mindset kot.. and i need someone yg bulih keep my secret and saye bulih percaye sepenuh hati.. yup.. saye xdek org mcm tu.. my head's been weighing all the hardships and sadnesses to the point that i cant see the fact that committing suicide is a bad thing.. why? why i feel like this? I feel that if i die, i can be free from all the problems and troubles.. no!!

i want someone who i can tell her everything that i cant bear.. i want someone that will say everything will be fine.. i want someone to say to me that she will always be there for me.. i want her hand to caress my hair and let me cry my heart out.. i've always been a bad muslim.. i forget about Him and when my problems piled up, i regret being in this thariq.. yup.. i'm a bad muslim..
dr pg td i feel so lost to study.. even to reply emel from company.. then my housemate ask me to join her in our usual dinner as she wanted to go somewhere else.. but i said it is too early so she asked me to wait for her at 8pm to eat together... but not too long after she went out.. my another housemate invite me, but i said that we are supposed to eat at 8pm, as we promised our housemate, but she said she wants to go out.. so she siad she will eat first.. the b4 8pm, she was already at home.. so i asked her but... nah it's nothing special.. but one thing i learned today.. to us, there's rule that unconsciously created.. there's no such thing as 'our' mad'u.. my mad'u is mine alone and dont touch..
hahahha dgn ilmu saye yg kecik dan pendek ni.. mmg saye x layak nk nasihatkan dier.. and there're no dose n pahale dlm ijtihad dakwah.. as long as our destination is Allah Swt alone.. but why? why such respond? adekah sbb saye jeles sbb dier ade someone yg dier bulih adu.. yg dier akan pegi cite sume bende.. sume bende baik n jahat.. saye kalo gaduh ngan org, saye akan cepat lupe.. sbb saye tau saye byk salah ngan org.. tp kenape gaduh yg satu hari itu saye x leh lupe.. kenape? adekah sbb keburukan n keaiban saye terbuke luas? adekah kerana dier 'sakit' tp punya doktor, manakala saye sakit, saye tiada doktor?

ahh saye sudah penat mengeluh mengenangkan nasib hidup saye.. haha.. bagaimanakah takdir hidup saye? miserable kah? bagaimana pula dgn pengakhiran hidup saye?
jwpnnye: wallahua'lam

The lowest moment in my life

Assalamualaikum wrt..

I cant count how many times i sighed today.. ermm it's not only today.. people said we can write anything we want in our own blog.. so 2day i want to let out some steam.. (literally too.. hihi terase telinge makin panas) i think now is the moment when my emaan is below the normal area.. i can feel it.. even i think there was no berkat for me 2day.. when u feel that you've been doing nothing but the time flew really fast.. then it's one of the signs that no berkat in ur action for that day..

I really envy one of my friends, she can say anything she wants in her blog and dont bother with others.. well many will say that it's not necessarily a good thing.. well for me, it's one thing that i want.. i'm too conscious about others around me.. even to ask for help, i cant say it.. to correct any misunderstanding, far from open my mouth.. and i end up hurting them more everytime i say anything.. *sigh* ~no it's not good to sigh.. but i cant keep it any longer.. i dont have anyone... and people always say, when u're facing trouble (mehnah), anything.. go to Allah SWT.. but i'm too sinful.. i've done so many things that even people will surprise upon hearing what i've done.. but there's an ayaat, saying that people who dont turn up to Allah WT, dont ask for help, dont ask for anything.. they're the 'sombong'est people (i cant find a better word coz i think sombong is the most suitable word) it makes my nose running sometimes.. but when things became worse.. i cant help but thinking that i'm too helpless.. i cant be forgiven.. thats why i'm still like this.. but deep down i know.. i'm the one who should running to Allah SWT..

i opened my door.. went downstair and tried looking for people... i needed someone's warmth, physically.. but i couldnt knock on the door.. coz i know i've been a nuisance to others.. i went to the kitchen.. i found someone.. u know how relief i was at that time.. but.. there was not even a smile on her face.. how can i say anything to her.. my mood just went a step down..

i really dont have others.. this is my closest relationship.. i'm not even this close with my coursemates, my family.. it's because i have short-termed memory lost? i cant help it.. i dont even want this.. so when i need someone.. it's not i cant go to her.. i dont have any.. i'm not trying to collect sympathy from others.. but i dont have anyone to tell.. to cry on her shoulder.. to let her give a little hug to me.. ah! i dont want to continue anymore..


now i looked back in my life.. it really sucks.. =((

Something around you~

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Just now i suddenly have an urge to open my friendster page, and i did. With the song 'Sunnah orang berjuang' from Hijjaz, i checked my sibling's friendster. To say that i'm immune to the reality in Malaysia, that's not even close and i'm grateful for that. Because if i'm really immune to the reality then the ghazwul fikr is successful.

While looking at the pictures, i compared my life with theirs. Yup! I'm not being fair. But it makes me think back why i'm doing this. If i live my life like theirs, then i can be 'happy' like them. Urghhh!! Suddenly i dont have 'the heart' to write about this. It's not that i dont want to. But i dont ppl to think that i'm just stating a list of excuses to why i became like this. Yesterday, my friends said something like their friends feel like they're being used. In my inner-self, i dont know why, but i pity them. Why? Well, at first before i knew this path, i befriended with everyone regardless of what intention i or they have. Be because of study, or because of i was in the same class before or whatever. And after i'm in this path, i see everything as what Allah wants me to do. So, to my friends before, i just cant switch my intention just like that. And i'm supposed to do that, but i'm not. Yup! I'm being disobedient to the extent that i cant say anything to my usrati. =((

Well, i have to go now. I'm having usrah perdana, held by MCOT at McDougle. Please pray that Allah always with us, inchaAllah.

wslm wrt

Sound of the night

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Just to let you know that, i've changed (just now hihi) the song playlist. Hahahaaa.. the songs (i mean in the new playlist) adalah lagu2 yang saye baru jumpe and baru suke hihi.. well, enjoy and if u have any request.. just let me know k.. hihi..

wslm wrt