Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Expect and to be expected

Bismillahirrahmaniirahim

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Ku doakan agar kesejahteraan daripada Illahi dilimpahkan pada yang berhak mendapatnya. Kadang kala kita selalu terfikir, kenapalah ujian sebegini teruk ditimpakan pada kita? Setelah berpenat lelah berusaha supaya jalan terus suci mulia untuk dilalui tapi ini yang pengusahanya dapat. Sedih! Sedih kerana diri masih belum cukup kuat untuk melawan segala anggapan-anggapan busuk yang menerkam hati. Teringat saya akan kisah ibu loaded dengan anak yang kurang kasih sayang. Seandainya si ibu sudah bosan atau tidak mahu megambil peduli tentang anaknya, pasti dibiarkan anaknya itu tanpa perhatian, tidak cuba membentuk anaknya itu menadi seperti yang dikehendaki. Pasti diberi berjuta-juta harta lalu berkata 'nah! pergilah kamu! Pergi main jauh-jauh! Aku tidak punya masa untuk melayan kerenahmu!' Lalu ditumpukan perhatian mengajar anak yang mendengar kata.

Malam tadi saya menghadirkan diri ke majlis bersama seorang ustaz dari Malaysia. Selama ini saya selalu berfikiran bahawa hubungan manusia dengan manusia perkara yang paling penting adalah 'expect and to be expected'. Dan ustaz berkenaan juga bercakap mengenai hal demikian. Biarlah apa jenis hubungan pun antara manusia dengan manusia, biarlah bibir mengatakan ukhuwah fillah, konsep itu tetap tidak hilang. "Ukhuwah is not a gift but it's something to work on. If we do nothing and let it grow, u wont get it", kata seorang sahabat. Benar! Bila saya tengok kembali hidup saya, inilah yang berlaku. Sedih!

"Masa lampau adala seperti cermn kecil di kereta. Andai kita hendak bergerak ke depan, kita hendaklah tengok di belakang menggunakan cermin itu barulah kita boleh bergerak ke depan." Kata-kata itu sangat terkesan di hati saya ketika itu. Ah! Mampukah saya menggerakkan kereta saya ini? Adakah Allah akan sentiasa membuka hijab penglihatan saya agar tiada malapetaka bakal berlaku andai saya mahu ke hadapan.

Kenapa rasa hati tak senang? kenapa otak penat memikirkan segala permasalahan yang sedang dan masih belum terjadi? Kenapa makin mendalam terlibat dengan manusia sekeliling, makin kronik masalah yang bertimbun?

Dia 'expect' kita faham masalah dia, dia 'expect' kita tiada bantahan terhadap apa-apa keputusan yang dia ambil pabila keputusan itu melibatkan kita. Dia 'expect' kita buat, dia 'expect' kita sedar.. ahh! Semua itu cuma hal kecil, berbanding apa sebenarnya matlamat kita. "Setiap kali timbul apa-apa masalah sekali pun, kembalilah padaNya. Kembalilah pada apa sebenar matlamat kita. Mampu atau tidak, berjaya atau tidak, susah atau senang, semua itu bukanlah hak kita untuk menentukannya."

Ya Allah, Engkau Tuhan yang Maha Pengampun, Ampunkanla dosa-dosa kami, dosa-dosa yang terhasil dari berperasangka buruk terhadap satu sama lain. Engkau tunjukkanlah jalan yang Engkau redhai dan Engkau tetapkanlah hati kami berada di atas jalan ini. Engkau hulur tali yang kukuh ini, tapi tangan kami masih tidak kuat untuk berpaut kuat pada tali itu, maka bantulah kami. Kuatkanlah hati sahabat-sahabat kami agar mereka dapat menarik kami agar berpaut teguh pada tali itu. Dan kerana itu ampunkanlah dosa-dosa kami kerana menyakitkan hati sahabt-sahabat kami. Amin.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Memories

Salam,

At times,
memories restricted our minds

but the mind can be freed
with new encounters
and now they spread their wings
to the future.


Wassalam

Monday, January 21, 2008

Only Human

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we're waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can't have a reason to run away
We've got to go, to that far away summers day

If we find it tomorrow, we can't sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we've grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further

As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Honest

Assalamualaikum wrt..

hahaha.. igt x yg my entry psl satu quote tu.. ermm lebih kurg 'i'm just a small human, my heart is moved by what's in front of me, rather than what the whole world need..' at first saye pk it doesnt 100% appplied in my life... tp saye rase it's the truth to some extent.. hahahaa.. *sigh* adeii...

at first saye igt saye definitely kne pk ape yg as the whole world need.. so that i can be that part of world itself.. but then again.. how do u define honesty? tell everything the truth eventho it hurts? well u can say it's very subjective.. depends on how that person thinks that affect how he/she define what's in truth that should be told.. sincerely, sometimes i think ppl are selfish.. i had a difficulty to understand my fren b4.. a lot of things happened, that i had to comfort a fren of his.. then she became my fren.. ahahha complicated nye bunyik.. i told her that human all are selfish.. no one wants to give without take.. mase tu saye mmg pk mcm tu.. no matter how complicated the situation is.. mmg tu yg saye rase pk betul.. n do u know, till now i still believe that.. lepas saye bgtau dier, my inner-self always searching for justification for that one stand.. till now n still i cant change that.. i still believe it.. i dont know myself.. ape yg saye tau mmg mcm tu.. sebaik2 manusie mmg mcm tu.. i dare not take Rasulullah SWT as an example as i dont know him very well.. but cnthnye org baik la.. he/she wants to do good deeds as Allah suruh n larang ape yg Allah larang.. thats bcoz Allah SWT suruh la dier buat.. it's for him/her-self.. it's not the karma.. sbb dier believe in Allah that he/she does it right?

ahahahhaaa.. sometimes i think my sentences are just not convincing enuf.. well feel free to have a private chat with me.. (cet mcm la ramai sgt bace blog niee.. ahahaha xpe2 just in case.. )

truth..
believe..
confidence..

the things i need..
stand straight
doesn't make the world moves
running and holding
also doesn't..

so, please give strength
strength to push myself
to the limit

Thursday, January 17, 2008

My Life

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Have u ever feel like regretting things that u've might done? hmmm? camne tu ek? ntah la.. i'm not really sure but sometimes i feel like that.. sometimes along ur walk of ur life, u will look back as to find where did u make the mistake or where did u find urself satisfied.. then at some point u will realize that 'ah! i should take that path or else here i am.. i dont want this' or 'ah! y did i take this path..' n so on.. there's a saying 'its better u regret doing something rather than u regret done nothing' ahahahah well i'm not sure if we can really apply this to our life..

my life is a rather boring one.. coz i'm very fast attach to something n also get bored easily.. having live this life more than 23 yrs.. but it's really not that bad.. hav a dream but then havnt achieve something.. ahahahha.. 'to live is a happiness, but to make a decision is very hard. But we should never give up either in life also in making decision. Along the way u'll find what u really want to do in ur life. Human's life is not a straight road, rather it has a lot of turns n junctions. But after u make a decision, sometimes u cant turn back, or when u miss the junction that u're waiting for.' It's really hard, right? Well, it's just the matter of time.

wassalam

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Quote.....

Assalamualaikum wrt..

i got this from somewhere.. ermmm mayb to u, it's not quite encouraging.. but.. heehee...

I'm just a small human,
my heart is moved by what's in front of me,
rather than what the world as a whole needs



We can do things step-by-step.. have ur own pace.. thats more important than having to push urself to the limit.. teehee

wassalam

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Surat buat mama..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Assalamualaikum wrt..

Buat mama tersayang,

Jarum jam menunjukkan hampir pukul 11 malam. Mama di sana, sedang buat apa? Biasanya pada waktu sebegini, samaada mama sedang melayan papa menonton tv ataupun sedang tidur. Ah, rindunya pada mama yang tidak pernah jemu melayan papa di ruang tamu. Setiap kali Kakla (saya) lihat raut wajah mama sedang bergelak mesra bersama papa, Kakla tidak boleh tidak merasakan mamalah isteri yang penyayang. Ah! Malunya kakla nak menyatakan hasrat di hati tika ini, melihatkan betapa beratnya tanggungjawab sebagai seorang isteri. Tapi kakla percaya inilah hasil usaha mama selama ini kan. Kebahagian bukanlah hadiah, tapi ia adalah hasil dari usaha sendiri.

Mama pasti terkejut kalau baca tulisan kakla ni. Dalam keluarga kita, tidak pernah ada hubungan yang perasaan dilafazkan dengan mulut. Mungkin sejak kecil begitulah kami diajar dan dibesarkan. Seingat kakla sejak besar ni, mama tidak pernah melafazkan perkataan sayang pada kakla, tapi mama selalu buat sesuatu untuk kakla. Entah kenapa, tapi kakla rasa semua itu sangat dan jauh mendalam makna dan nilainya berbanding kalau mama ucapkan perkataan sayang semua itu. Mama yang selalu tersenyum dan ketawa riang di waktu kepenatan pulang dari kerja. Mama yang selalu ceria di hujung talian bertanya khabar di waktu kakla kesepian. Mama yang selalu membawa pulang sesuatu di waktu kakla memerlukannya. Mama yang mengajarkan kakla dunia yang kini kakla berpijak. Mama yang sentiasa memerhatikan kakla dari satu sudut dan menghulurkan tangan di waktu kakla sesat. Mama yang sanggup menadah tempias kehinaan kakla. Mama yang tidak pernah jemu memikirkan hal kebajikan kakla. Mama yang berperit duka tika kakla ditimpa dugaan dan cabaran. Mama yang menangis kerana kakla sedang kesakitan ditimpa fitnah dunia. Mama yang kadang kala di tengah malam menjengah tika kami berdengkur kerana bimbangkan kami walaupun setiap dari kami sudah dewasa. Mama yang sebak kerana jauh dari mata.

Andai kakla ingin senaraikan semua perihal mama, pasti tidak habis. Kakla tidak sesekali ingin katakan mama seorang yang sempurna. Tapi kerana mama, kakla sedar manusia tidak mampu menjadi seorang yang sempurna. Mungkin mama tidak berpeluang membaca surat ini, tapi entahlah. Kakla tiba-tiba ingin menulis satu untuk mama. Seingat kakla, kakla pernah tulis satu untuk mama, pertama kalinya, tapi entah di mana surat itu.

Tapi mama, andainya kakla buat sesuatu yang mama tidak restui atau sesuatu yang mama tidak jangkakan, maafkan kakla. Mungkin kerana kakla masih kanak-kanak yang sedang mencari dunianya sendiri. Mungkin juga kerana kakla sudah sesat, hilang arah di depan mata. Mungkin juga sedang mencari huluran tangan mama. Oleh itu, mama, harapan kakla, janganlah mama letih menghulurkan tangan mama kepada kakla. Dan andainya tangan mama kali ini tidak bersambut, maafkan kakla...

wassalam

Monday, January 07, 2008

Ngeri.. ngeri...

Assalamualaikum wrt..

At first i wanted to post a vclip about bullying.. (ppl consider it normal in japan) but something happen 2day which is from my POV (point of view) also quite scary.. hukhukhuk.. ermm just now i just finished cooking, something that nvr happened in my life b4.. ermm totally dont know wut to put into the 'masakan'.. the reason is i totally forgot that kami telah kahabesan perencah tom yam mayb to certain ppl, it's very trivial thing to get headache over it.. BUT waaaaa serius saye xpernah masak tom yam without perencah so saye mmg xtau masak tom yam buatan sendiri.. so memule saye kecikkan api dapur then bergegas ke bilek, carik kat internet psl ingredient tom yam.. tp x jumpe.. kebykan nye psl tom yam putih.. tp hukhukhuk.. n tom yam putih sgt sng sampai saye rase sgt x percaye.. hahahahhaa.. then saye berlari turun balik ke dapur dgn minda yg bertawakal.. campak jek ape2 yg terlintas di fikiran.. ermm bulih kate ingredient yg otak saye mampu bygkan.. gukgukguk.. well.. setelah berpuas hati.. kacau punye kacau.. the things in the periuk turn out to be really red in colour.. i stood there for a while.. thinking~ at last... i gathered up my courage then took a spoon n taste it.. hmmmmmm~ adeiii... i bragged to a few ppl b4 that i want to b a full-housewife someday.. i mean mayb after i get married.. but now i think i have a long way to go.. kikikiki.. actually the taste is not bad.. but wut i can say is it's not really tom yam but it's tom yam but not really.. n it's supposed to be one.. hukhuk.. tp oklaaa... hihi.. at least kalo bgtau org lain (normal ppl laa.. bukn nye mak mertue or chefs) bgtau yg tu adelah tom yam.. n bile diorg rase.. diorg mmg rase tom yam.. huhu =D sbb dah dimindsetkan bhw tu tom yam..=P

well here is the vclip that i said b4.. ermm actually i wanna write a proper one bout the vclip.. but hmmm mayb someday.. hehe (bertangguh lagik..)

if u think that things will go ur way if u've done nothing wrong.. u're far from right.. the thing is if u did nothing wrong AND u do good deeds.. then u'll hav it ur way.. human are such naive and fragile beings..


Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Numb - Linkin park

"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

somehow.. other ppl might say that this kind of song is useless.. not kind of music u should hear.. well some part of it, i agree.. but what make me interested in this song is the music video.. try watch it.. when someone with faithless, this is how u'll become.. dont know where to turn to.. dont know where to hang on.. thus looking for something that u might regret later..

sometimes i also feel like that girl in the video.. feel out of place.. feel like nothing goes right.. but that kind of stand, i cant let it become one with me.. thus i throw it away and try to strengthen myself.. n thats one of the reasons why i choose this kind of life.. when i gain -1, i'll try to counter it with +1.. n i know that my number is far from zero and the -ve number is getting bigger..

A: why r u doing this?
me: well i have my own reasons..
A: to save the world?
me: .....
A: or just to save urself...?

wassalam