change of mood..

ermm... if you notice, i've just changed my music playlist.. well.. the songs in there are the songs that i'm currently listening to.. really like those songs in there.. hope you like them, too.. hihi enjoy the songs and don't forget to take 'pengajaran' from those songs k.. hihi

uhibbukunna fillah..

wassalam

i don't know

Where's the edge of the world? I feel like running toward the end of the world.. I've never cried this hard before.. yup.. hahaa hari ini dalam sejarah.. well, i just want keep a written history about 2day.. as i said b4.. one of my hard-work results was out 2day.. it took me more than 24 hours to gather up courage to open the result.. and i put a lot of effort into it.. well.. it's not that i blame qadar about this.. but now i dont know what to do anymore.. if i'm not in my final year, i know that i still have some chances.. but now? what should i do? what do i have to do?

i still feel the headache from crying so hard just now, but i've calmed down.. thinking hard what should i do.. but i really don't know.. nor i have anyone to pour out all these frustration.. i'm begging to Allah SWT everyday but i restrained myself.. because i'm afraid. afraid of going overboard.. i dont know.. this feeling of dont know really.. huhuhu =((

wassalam

Cuak..

One of my hard-work result was out yesterday.. this you can say that determine my study here.. till now i can't find the courage to open it.. it is just a click away.. waaaaaaaaaaa do you ever feel like that? whenever i think about it, my whole body starts aching.. i feel the pain like i think my fingernails are being pulled out.. i cant even feel what's in my mouth.. i dont even know what my expression is.. feel like my heartbeats are beating uncontrollable..
i want to know.. i dont want to know.. really, ignorance is a bliss.. i want to know.. i dont want to know.. i have to know.. i need to know but i'm scared.. i know that it's all been written.. and the ink is already dried up.. but.. i dont know anymore.. huhu Yana said that there's nothing that we can do.. the result is already out and all we have to do is look and believe it.. waaaaaaaaaa i dont know anymore.. waaaaaaaaaaa =((

what should i do? should i just open it? or should i just wait till my emaan is at the peak? yeah.. i'm such a weak person.. i even dont have the courage to see what's in front of me.. huhuhuuu

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'alamin.. please give me courage..

sometimes, i feel like i want to run away from reality.. but that's weak.. i want to become strong.. if i look back my life so far.. u can say that i got whatever i want.. my education is not so bad so far.. but now, i think this time i have to face His test in education.. waaaaaaaaa what should i do? yeah.. i think i've been living in a box.. afraid to face what's outside.. huhuu.. i guess i'll open the result after i pray dhuhr.. huhu

wslm

One of my fav songs

Salam..

Hui hui hui every1.. here is one of my fav songs.. i only play this song when i feel so melancholic.. hahahaaa.. reminding about these a few days that i got left to be with every1 i love here.. i might never see every1 that i love after this.. this thought makes me feel that i'm really alone.. i cant think of any other friends that i have.. well there're a lot to count actually.. it's just i'm not that confident to contact them.. hahahhaa well enjoy the song..





So I'm going to go see you right now, that's what I've decided
I want to have you listen to this song, that I have in my pocket

Quietly, I turned up the volume, to make sure that it was there

Oh good-bye days, right now I've got the feeling that things are going to change; so long to everything up until yesterday
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

I pass one ear phone over to you
And this moment slowly streams over to you

Can you really love me? Even though I sometimes lose my way

Oh good-bye days, right now things inside my heart have begun to change, alright
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

If possible, I'd like to not have sad feelings
But they'll come to me, won't they?
In those times, it would be good, if only I could say
"Yeah, hello! My friend", with a smile

When we both are humming the same song, I wish for you to be by my side
I'm glad that we were able to meet each other, with such an uncool kindness

... Good-bye days

Friends..

Just now, we had a small (?) party for Husna, Ecot, Tiah and Inayah.. their birthdays are in this month (seldom get celebrated because the month of exam hahah) it's quite havoc..

when i looked at their faces.. I had this feeling.. feeling of 'ah! this is my friends' .. you know that we are always alone.. (alone and lonely is different =P) in the road of our life.. we'll stumble upon some people that we claim them as our friends.. but we'd never know.. we might never met them after this.. as i was thinking like this, i cherished the moment.. the moment that i might never see them after this.. 'eh! mayb i can get friends like them when i go back to malaysia'.. this kind of thought always being played in my head.. but i can't imagine the moment without my current friends' faces.. i just don't know.. because i don't know the future..

there are a few of them that i get to see them every day.. but sometimes i notice that i've place some kind of boundaries between us.. there are a few that i see them everyday but i feel so inferior because they know my weaknesses.. there are a few that i can't see them every day but get really close when we meet.. but i've never tried to contact them when i can't meet them.. there are a few that i really want to meet them although i dont have free time at that time.. but because of i'm afraid that i might become nuisance to others so i refrain myself.. there are a few who look like they really respect me but i feel really depressed about it because i know that i don't deserve their respect.. one day, someone said to me that i'm nice to everyone and it was easy to befriend with me.. and also i dont need to put a lot of effort to get a lot of friends and attention.. hahaa.. i just laughed at that time.. but in my heart, i was crying.. i dont know why.. mayb because i've put a lot of efforts but others can't see them.. it seems wasted.. but it doesnt..

i only have 2 months to collect as much as possible memories in this circle.. i dont know if i'll meet people like them in the future.. i dont dare to think and every night i beg Allah SWT.. i've lose my confidence.. it all has been flushed down to the drain since that incident.. i dont even want to remember it.. it's not only painful but also leaves a scar.. that's why i said i'm fine without friends.. hahahhaa i guess i'm really lonely..

i wanna start anew.. i've so many plans... but.. i dont dare to plan to get many friends... because i'm the worst friend.. i'm scared..

wslm

life changing

haiyaaaa!!! we meet again! ^_^ hahahhaaa.. bukn face-to-face pon.. yesterday I applied for a job.. ermm it's about programming.. and i really like it a lot.. i mean yeahh coz I met the job requirement.. hihi.. ermm recently i'm reading a novel.. an english novel.. titled sophie's world.. you can say the novel is a beginner's manual about philosophy.. ok back to the job.. b4 i can get short-listed to job-seekers who can apply for the job, there's something that i ahve to do, which is answering a question beforehand.. and the question is "why do you want to work in our company?" well.. it's very simple and general question but i spent almost half an hour thinking what to answer.. yeah.. of course i dont know about the company so i cant say that "I think i can contribute a lot in your company because blah blah blah.." i never heard this company before.. and this is the first time i heard about this company and it's in the job-seeker's site... hahhahaa also i dont want to write something that i will forget about it later.. mayb it's something that will determine whether i will get the job or not.. or mayb it's something that will make people laugh at me.. yeah of course.. i'm applying to be a programmer.. not a lecturer or a philosopher.. there's a big gap.. people said that just write something that will please the reader but for me.. nope.. at least let it be something that about your true self.. mayb it sounds like lame or out-dated or naive.. but a single and small step may change your life forever.. recently i faced it... mayb we think that "owh, it's just a simple and insignificant decision, it wont affect my life.. " but later you will say "why didnt i take the other option? it's just a simple desicion.. blah blah.." yeah.. you will regret it.. ah no! i'm not saying that we should stop making a simple decision and lets keep worrying about the decision that we have to make.. no.. i'm just saying that if we make fun of/take things lightly about making a decision that may seems small and simple.. it will comes back to us.. hahahahaaa... okeh jauh benor.. saye nk tulih psl job td tu.. ok back to the job earlier.. then i wrote about a relationship between employee and employer.. oppss.. bukn yg mcm dlm drama tu.. ermm what i mean is.. between employer/company and employee, there's something we call trust.. the company trust their employee with the job or works which have the company's little (?) secret and in return, the employee can trust their company to take care of them.. then blah blah (i wrote in there la) at last i said (i mean wrote) i believe that i can trust the company to the point that i want to work in their company... haha it's very simple.. well it's not that i already got the job.. hihi.. if i get the job, i'll let you know k! ^_^

yesterday, i went to plattfield for a lil' jogging.. well this is for the first time haha.. yeah betul.. coz i just walked in plattfield before.. wahh.. haha.. really feel refreshed.. but i saw something i should see yesterday.. haahahaa lets not talk about it.. i feel 'tercemar'.. haha i want to go jogging like that again.. mayb 2day but when i remember about yesterday.. huhu.. hahahaa.. oklaahh.. ermm gonna continue my work.. hihi.. see ya next time =P
wassalam

With awareness, there is bitterness

With or without we realize, we're some kind of worst human of all. Why? Because we are not consistent in what we are doing. When the season comes, we go with it and when the season is gone our passionate also gone with the wind. Who decide the season? Human. We care less for the minor stuff like fashion, artist, art, culture etc etc. But as for our brotherhood? Why can't we be honest with ourselves? I'm also among those worst people. In my browser's bookmarks, there's a site that I can count with my finger how many times I open the site this month. When I realize it, I feel really bad and regret it a lot. When people are talking about Palestine, we busy ourselves with reading all those info and latest news about Palestine but when the the season cold (or cool? =P i think it's the same unliterally) down, we also cold down with the season. Why? Is it because of the feeling of wanting to show off that we care for our brothers and sisters that we take notice about them? What are our real intention really? I am not that good to preach people about what we should do or what should we avoid. We always hear people around us say (mayb that including us.. who knows) that we are not that good to tell others to do good deeds and leave what are haram for us to do, so we decide to live a life that simpler and common. What should we say to them? Should we leave it like that? Or should we meddle around with their life and future?

I've said this many times before. Human, all are selfish. Why? Because we are alone. We are alone in the life hereafter. People won't care about us or we don't have time/'power' to care about others. So what's the point of meddling around with others life and future? But

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, nescaya Dia menolong kamu dan menetapkan tapak kakimu" 47:7

Allah said this in al-Quran. Allah doesn't want the result, He wants the process. He knows the result and we should care less about the result because it's already written and the ink's already dried up. The philosophers since 500 B.M have been discussing about death and life but none of them can be so sure about their theories. Because none of them have been dead and revived. So they can't tell what is life and what is death. It's possible that we die within these a few seconds. Allah can do it. It's logic, we don't need scientific explanation. But what matter is what will happen after we died. Just like the story of Cinderella. We heard the story when she had to go through all the sad things just to be together with the prince and it was (or should i say 'is'? people still believe it and don't want to let it go) a happy ending. But who could guess what happen after their marriage? Is there any story about it? Can the king and queen accept her? Can Cinderella and the prince adapt their life to each other? We can't be sure. Why? Because they're still alive. Live in our belief. So where should we face our trust and belief? We all know the answer. The philosophers said that to all the questions, actually we already know the answer, thats why the questions exist. Lets think by ourselves. Do you ever heard that thinking also counted as an ibadah to Allah SWT? Yup. Hehe.

Maybe the flow of my blog entries is quite messed up, but I want to write about what we are thinking everyday. We aren't thinking in flow, am i right? Lets be someone who is better than yesterday =P

We surely don't know what's in others life, if we don't open our eyes toward others. Well, we can't say for sure that we understand them either. There's a guy that his life is very simple. Go to school, study, laugh with his friends, sometimes meet new friends then go back home. Have lunch and list goes on and on.. But one thing we never knew that we didn't realize that we threw a stone. We'd never knew that our action or our words or maybe our thinking may affect other's life. Maybe for us, it's something that very simple and it doesn't really matter to us but who knows that it may change his/her life. OK back to that simple guy's story. One day, that guy (okeh let's name him si A) saw his friend is being bullied (let's call his friend as si B). Then he as a very simple guy and still green in knowledge of social behavior, simply protected si B. Although he one who bullied si B has very high status in the society but si A didn't care about it. Then the bad guy's father went to see si A's guardians saying that si B did something wrong to his son. Although we know who is right and who is wrong but sometimes, that's the reality now. Status really have it their way. Si B asked si A to say nothing when they're confronted. But at last, si A can't keep quite about it and said that he is the one who did 'bad thing' to the mr. high status's son. Si A was punished but very severe because they actually know who is right and who is wrong but it was just unwritten law that never go against someone who has higher status than yours. To si A, it's simply something that he has to take for himself because of his act and it has nothing to do with others or si B. But for si B, it's an event.. a very important event in his life. When you throw a stone int a pond, you will see the surface of the water will change, not as calm as before. That's something that we can see, but in humans heart? We can't see it. Then, when si B scolded si A because standing up for him (si A), si A's guardian said that "see, you just throw another stone".. because si B has never care about his friends before but the scolding is a proof of
you care about other people, right?

You never know how big the riddle will be, nor you know the shape of the riddle in someone's heart. Knowing that, do you feel that you want to throw lots if stone everyday? Well, I dont know yours, but what i know for sure is who i am today is the result of thousands, millions if stne threw by others.

Wisest is someone who knows that he/she doesn't know

I can't agree more than this.
OK, lets stop for now, altho this is rather long entry.. hihi see ya
wassalam

throw away sad feeling

Someone asked me to add her into the list of ppl who are allowed to read my blog (let's call it the circle of my blog reader =P) well i'm glad tho.. coz i thought there's no one that i know or know me that read my blog.. it's just lame.. uncool.. stupid.. whatsoever.. hahahaa
I'm gonna leave my sad feeling behind.. i dont know.. mayb it is the best solution for me.. i can laugh it off.. i can brush it away.. but i didnt know that betrayal really leave me wounded.. really big and deep scar.. opss sori sori.. ok ok.. let leave it behind..

My revolution now is i'm going to read at least a book per week.. n this week book is about patient according to our beloved al-Quran.. i just reached the middle part.. well.. other than my course book.. i've never finished reading an english book except the one for children (ermm story book i mean.. haha) so it's kind of hard and amazing.. hahahhhhaa.. the book is about how the faithful ppl deal with everyday life through the patient and the comparison to the unbelievers.. well it really shocks me.. because all this while i thought i have at least a bit of the patient that al-Quran said.. but then it's not a bit the same.. i feel ashamed to Allah and myself.. hahhahha as ppl said nowadays.. shok sendiri.. =P before i read the book i thought.. owh this is just gonna be a reminder for myself.. when u said reminder.. then it must be something that i'd already heard about it.. but believe me.. when you read the book when u're in trouble.. automatically u will compare what the book said and what happened to you.. and believe me.. you will say that you are among the unbelievers.. because the characteristics of the faithfuls is just far from us.. believe me.. read the book.. from you believe that you have the patient as said in the al-Quran.. you find you are trying to practice the patient from scratch.. ermm wait.. i'm gonna find the book and write the title.. "the importance of patience in the Quran" by Harun Yahya.. it's just a thin book with about 93 pages.. someone gave it to me.. may Allah reward her/them..

oklah.. i feel somewhat refreshed after write something here.. altho i dont know whether this will be useful.. i'm not gonna erase/delete my jahiliyyah entries.. because i believe that all of the entries are me.. i'm the one who wrote them.. mayb you can't believe it when you read about something that you thought that's not me at first.. but i want to change.. only Allah know if i've changed or not.. what's that matter is the effort.. not the result, am i right? hehe.. may the best be bestowed upon you and do ur best in whatever you do..

wassalam