Friends..

Just now, we had a small (?) party for Husna, Ecot, Tiah and Inayah.. their birthdays are in this month (seldom get celebrated because the month of exam hahah) it's quite havoc..

when i looked at their faces.. I had this feeling.. feeling of 'ah! this is my friends' .. you know that we are always alone.. (alone and lonely is different =P) in the road of our life.. we'll stumble upon some people that we claim them as our friends.. but we'd never know.. we might never met them after this.. as i was thinking like this, i cherished the moment.. the moment that i might never see them after this.. 'eh! mayb i can get friends like them when i go back to malaysia'.. this kind of thought always being played in my head.. but i can't imagine the moment without my current friends' faces.. i just don't know.. because i don't know the future..

there are a few of them that i get to see them every day.. but sometimes i notice that i've place some kind of boundaries between us.. there are a few that i see them everyday but i feel so inferior because they know my weaknesses.. there are a few that i can't see them every day but get really close when we meet.. but i've never tried to contact them when i can't meet them.. there are a few that i really want to meet them although i dont have free time at that time.. but because of i'm afraid that i might become nuisance to others so i refrain myself.. there are a few who look like they really respect me but i feel really depressed about it because i know that i don't deserve their respect.. one day, someone said to me that i'm nice to everyone and it was easy to befriend with me.. and also i dont need to put a lot of effort to get a lot of friends and attention.. hahaa.. i just laughed at that time.. but in my heart, i was crying.. i dont know why.. mayb because i've put a lot of efforts but others can't see them.. it seems wasted.. but it doesnt..

i only have 2 months to collect as much as possible memories in this circle.. i dont know if i'll meet people like them in the future.. i dont dare to think and every night i beg Allah SWT.. i've lose my confidence.. it all has been flushed down to the drain since that incident.. i dont even want to remember it.. it's not only painful but also leaves a scar.. that's why i said i'm fine without friends.. hahahhaa i guess i'm really lonely..

i wanna start anew.. i've so many plans... but.. i dont dare to plan to get many friends... because i'm the worst friend.. i'm scared..

wslm