Setiap kali - Devotees

Setiap kali mendapat nikmat
jarang kusedari itu pemberian-Mu
terkadang rasa itu kerana
segala usaha dan penat lelahku sahaja

setiap kali ditimpa musibah
kumengeluh risau bertambah gelisah
hingga terlupa pada-Mu Allah
tempat kembali segala masalah

oh Tuhan Yang Maha Penyayang (...maha penyayang..)
leraikanlah aku dari keluh kesah (..uuu..)
yang membelenggu jiwa dan fikiran (..dan fikiran...)
ditambah dengan hasutan syaitan (..uuu..., haaa)

kurniakanlah kepadaku ketabahan (..ketabahan..)
singkapkanku hikmah segala ketentuan (..uu…)
Moga sinar-Mu berikanku pedoman (…pedoman..)
Hanya pada-Mu segala ketetapan (…haa…)

(backup)
oh tuhan yang maha penyayang
leraikanlah aku dari keluh kesah
yang membelenggu jiwa dan fikiran
ditambah dengan hasutan syaitan
durjana yang sentiasa mengarahku
kepada kemurkaanmu
kurniakanlah kepadaku ketabahan
tunjukkan ku hikmah segala ketentuan
Moga sinar-Mu berikanku pedoman
Hanya pada-Mu segala ketetapan
Ya Allah kau redhailah diri ini


seandainya diri ini
mampu meraih cinta keredhaan-Mu
seandainya akulah insan yang terpilih
pimpini hidupku

change of mood..

ermm... if you notice, i've just changed my music playlist.. well.. the songs in there are the songs that i'm currently listening to.. really like those songs in there.. hope you like them, too.. hihi enjoy the songs and don't forget to take 'pengajaran' from those songs k.. hihi

uhibbukunna fillah..

wassalam

i don't know

Where's the edge of the world? I feel like running toward the end of the world.. I've never cried this hard before.. yup.. hahaa hari ini dalam sejarah.. well, i just want keep a written history about 2day.. as i said b4.. one of my hard-work results was out 2day.. it took me more than 24 hours to gather up courage to open the result.. and i put a lot of effort into it.. well.. it's not that i blame qadar about this.. but now i dont know what to do anymore.. if i'm not in my final year, i know that i still have some chances.. but now? what should i do? what do i have to do?

i still feel the headache from crying so hard just now, but i've calmed down.. thinking hard what should i do.. but i really don't know.. nor i have anyone to pour out all these frustration.. i'm begging to Allah SWT everyday but i restrained myself.. because i'm afraid. afraid of going overboard.. i dont know.. this feeling of dont know really.. huhuhu =((

wassalam

Cuak..

One of my hard-work result was out yesterday.. this you can say that determine my study here.. till now i can't find the courage to open it.. it is just a click away.. waaaaaaaaaaa do you ever feel like that? whenever i think about it, my whole body starts aching.. i feel the pain like i think my fingernails are being pulled out.. i cant even feel what's in my mouth.. i dont even know what my expression is.. feel like my heartbeats are beating uncontrollable..
i want to know.. i dont want to know.. really, ignorance is a bliss.. i want to know.. i dont want to know.. i have to know.. i need to know but i'm scared.. i know that it's all been written.. and the ink is already dried up.. but.. i dont know anymore.. huhu Yana said that there's nothing that we can do.. the result is already out and all we have to do is look and believe it.. waaaaaaaaaa i dont know anymore.. waaaaaaaaaaa =((

what should i do? should i just open it? or should i just wait till my emaan is at the peak? yeah.. i'm such a weak person.. i even dont have the courage to see what's in front of me.. huhuhuuu

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'alamin.. please give me courage..

sometimes, i feel like i want to run away from reality.. but that's weak.. i want to become strong.. if i look back my life so far.. u can say that i got whatever i want.. my education is not so bad so far.. but now, i think this time i have to face His test in education.. waaaaaaaaa what should i do? yeah.. i think i've been living in a box.. afraid to face what's outside.. huhuu.. i guess i'll open the result after i pray dhuhr.. huhu

wslm

One of my fav songs

Salam..

Hui hui hui every1.. here is one of my fav songs.. i only play this song when i feel so melancholic.. hahahaaa.. reminding about these a few days that i got left to be with every1 i love here.. i might never see every1 that i love after this.. this thought makes me feel that i'm really alone.. i cant think of any other friends that i have.. well there're a lot to count actually.. it's just i'm not that confident to contact them.. hahahhaa well enjoy the song..





So I'm going to go see you right now, that's what I've decided
I want to have you listen to this song, that I have in my pocket

Quietly, I turned up the volume, to make sure that it was there

Oh good-bye days, right now I've got the feeling that things are going to change; so long to everything up until yesterday
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

I pass one ear phone over to you
And this moment slowly streams over to you

Can you really love me? Even though I sometimes lose my way

Oh good-bye days, right now things inside my heart have begun to change, alright
An uncool kindness is at my side
~With you

If possible, I'd like to not have sad feelings
But they'll come to me, won't they?
In those times, it would be good, if only I could say
"Yeah, hello! My friend", with a smile

When we both are humming the same song, I wish for you to be by my side
I'm glad that we were able to meet each other, with such an uncool kindness

... Good-bye days

Friends..

Just now, we had a small (?) party for Husna, Ecot, Tiah and Inayah.. their birthdays are in this month (seldom get celebrated because the month of exam hahah) it's quite havoc..

when i looked at their faces.. I had this feeling.. feeling of 'ah! this is my friends' .. you know that we are always alone.. (alone and lonely is different =P) in the road of our life.. we'll stumble upon some people that we claim them as our friends.. but we'd never know.. we might never met them after this.. as i was thinking like this, i cherished the moment.. the moment that i might never see them after this.. 'eh! mayb i can get friends like them when i go back to malaysia'.. this kind of thought always being played in my head.. but i can't imagine the moment without my current friends' faces.. i just don't know.. because i don't know the future..

there are a few of them that i get to see them every day.. but sometimes i notice that i've place some kind of boundaries between us.. there are a few that i see them everyday but i feel so inferior because they know my weaknesses.. there are a few that i can't see them every day but get really close when we meet.. but i've never tried to contact them when i can't meet them.. there are a few that i really want to meet them although i dont have free time at that time.. but because of i'm afraid that i might become nuisance to others so i refrain myself.. there are a few who look like they really respect me but i feel really depressed about it because i know that i don't deserve their respect.. one day, someone said to me that i'm nice to everyone and it was easy to befriend with me.. and also i dont need to put a lot of effort to get a lot of friends and attention.. hahaa.. i just laughed at that time.. but in my heart, i was crying.. i dont know why.. mayb because i've put a lot of efforts but others can't see them.. it seems wasted.. but it doesnt..

i only have 2 months to collect as much as possible memories in this circle.. i dont know if i'll meet people like them in the future.. i dont dare to think and every night i beg Allah SWT.. i've lose my confidence.. it all has been flushed down to the drain since that incident.. i dont even want to remember it.. it's not only painful but also leaves a scar.. that's why i said i'm fine without friends.. hahahhaa i guess i'm really lonely..

i wanna start anew.. i've so many plans... but.. i dont dare to plan to get many friends... because i'm the worst friend.. i'm scared..

wslm

life changing

haiyaaaa!!! we meet again! ^_^ hahahhaaa.. bukn face-to-face pon.. yesterday I applied for a job.. ermm it's about programming.. and i really like it a lot.. i mean yeahh coz I met the job requirement.. hihi.. ermm recently i'm reading a novel.. an english novel.. titled sophie's world.. you can say the novel is a beginner's manual about philosophy.. ok back to the job.. b4 i can get short-listed to job-seekers who can apply for the job, there's something that i ahve to do, which is answering a question beforehand.. and the question is "why do you want to work in our company?" well.. it's very simple and general question but i spent almost half an hour thinking what to answer.. yeah.. of course i dont know about the company so i cant say that "I think i can contribute a lot in your company because blah blah blah.." i never heard this company before.. and this is the first time i heard about this company and it's in the job-seeker's site... hahhahaa also i dont want to write something that i will forget about it later.. mayb it's something that will determine whether i will get the job or not.. or mayb it's something that will make people laugh at me.. yeah of course.. i'm applying to be a programmer.. not a lecturer or a philosopher.. there's a big gap.. people said that just write something that will please the reader but for me.. nope.. at least let it be something that about your true self.. mayb it sounds like lame or out-dated or naive.. but a single and small step may change your life forever.. recently i faced it... mayb we think that "owh, it's just a simple and insignificant decision, it wont affect my life.. " but later you will say "why didnt i take the other option? it's just a simple desicion.. blah blah.." yeah.. you will regret it.. ah no! i'm not saying that we should stop making a simple decision and lets keep worrying about the decision that we have to make.. no.. i'm just saying that if we make fun of/take things lightly about making a decision that may seems small and simple.. it will comes back to us.. hahahahaaa... okeh jauh benor.. saye nk tulih psl job td tu.. ok back to the job earlier.. then i wrote about a relationship between employee and employer.. oppss.. bukn yg mcm dlm drama tu.. ermm what i mean is.. between employer/company and employee, there's something we call trust.. the company trust their employee with the job or works which have the company's little (?) secret and in return, the employee can trust their company to take care of them.. then blah blah (i wrote in there la) at last i said (i mean wrote) i believe that i can trust the company to the point that i want to work in their company... haha it's very simple.. well it's not that i already got the job.. hihi.. if i get the job, i'll let you know k! ^_^

yesterday, i went to plattfield for a lil' jogging.. well this is for the first time haha.. yeah betul.. coz i just walked in plattfield before.. wahh.. haha.. really feel refreshed.. but i saw something i should see yesterday.. haahahaa lets not talk about it.. i feel 'tercemar'.. haha i want to go jogging like that again.. mayb 2day but when i remember about yesterday.. huhu.. hahahaa.. oklaahh.. ermm gonna continue my work.. hihi.. see ya next time =P
wassalam

With awareness, there is bitterness

With or without we realize, we're some kind of worst human of all. Why? Because we are not consistent in what we are doing. When the season comes, we go with it and when the season is gone our passionate also gone with the wind. Who decide the season? Human. We care less for the minor stuff like fashion, artist, art, culture etc etc. But as for our brotherhood? Why can't we be honest with ourselves? I'm also among those worst people. In my browser's bookmarks, there's a site that I can count with my finger how many times I open the site this month. When I realize it, I feel really bad and regret it a lot. When people are talking about Palestine, we busy ourselves with reading all those info and latest news about Palestine but when the the season cold (or cool? =P i think it's the same unliterally) down, we also cold down with the season. Why? Is it because of the feeling of wanting to show off that we care for our brothers and sisters that we take notice about them? What are our real intention really? I am not that good to preach people about what we should do or what should we avoid. We always hear people around us say (mayb that including us.. who knows) that we are not that good to tell others to do good deeds and leave what are haram for us to do, so we decide to live a life that simpler and common. What should we say to them? Should we leave it like that? Or should we meddle around with their life and future?

I've said this many times before. Human, all are selfish. Why? Because we are alone. We are alone in the life hereafter. People won't care about us or we don't have time/'power' to care about others. So what's the point of meddling around with others life and future? But

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah, nescaya Dia menolong kamu dan menetapkan tapak kakimu" 47:7

Allah said this in al-Quran. Allah doesn't want the result, He wants the process. He knows the result and we should care less about the result because it's already written and the ink's already dried up. The philosophers since 500 B.M have been discussing about death and life but none of them can be so sure about their theories. Because none of them have been dead and revived. So they can't tell what is life and what is death. It's possible that we die within these a few seconds. Allah can do it. It's logic, we don't need scientific explanation. But what matter is what will happen after we died. Just like the story of Cinderella. We heard the story when she had to go through all the sad things just to be together with the prince and it was (or should i say 'is'? people still believe it and don't want to let it go) a happy ending. But who could guess what happen after their marriage? Is there any story about it? Can the king and queen accept her? Can Cinderella and the prince adapt their life to each other? We can't be sure. Why? Because they're still alive. Live in our belief. So where should we face our trust and belief? We all know the answer. The philosophers said that to all the questions, actually we already know the answer, thats why the questions exist. Lets think by ourselves. Do you ever heard that thinking also counted as an ibadah to Allah SWT? Yup. Hehe.

Maybe the flow of my blog entries is quite messed up, but I want to write about what we are thinking everyday. We aren't thinking in flow, am i right? Lets be someone who is better than yesterday =P

We surely don't know what's in others life, if we don't open our eyes toward others. Well, we can't say for sure that we understand them either. There's a guy that his life is very simple. Go to school, study, laugh with his friends, sometimes meet new friends then go back home. Have lunch and list goes on and on.. But one thing we never knew that we didn't realize that we threw a stone. We'd never knew that our action or our words or maybe our thinking may affect other's life. Maybe for us, it's something that very simple and it doesn't really matter to us but who knows that it may change his/her life. OK back to that simple guy's story. One day, that guy (okeh let's name him si A) saw his friend is being bullied (let's call his friend as si B). Then he as a very simple guy and still green in knowledge of social behavior, simply protected si B. Although he one who bullied si B has very high status in the society but si A didn't care about it. Then the bad guy's father went to see si A's guardians saying that si B did something wrong to his son. Although we know who is right and who is wrong but sometimes, that's the reality now. Status really have it their way. Si B asked si A to say nothing when they're confronted. But at last, si A can't keep quite about it and said that he is the one who did 'bad thing' to the mr. high status's son. Si A was punished but very severe because they actually know who is right and who is wrong but it was just unwritten law that never go against someone who has higher status than yours. To si A, it's simply something that he has to take for himself because of his act and it has nothing to do with others or si B. But for si B, it's an event.. a very important event in his life. When you throw a stone int a pond, you will see the surface of the water will change, not as calm as before. That's something that we can see, but in humans heart? We can't see it. Then, when si B scolded si A because standing up for him (si A), si A's guardian said that "see, you just throw another stone".. because si B has never care about his friends before but the scolding is a proof of
you care about other people, right?

You never know how big the riddle will be, nor you know the shape of the riddle in someone's heart. Knowing that, do you feel that you want to throw lots if stone everyday? Well, I dont know yours, but what i know for sure is who i am today is the result of thousands, millions if stne threw by others.

Wisest is someone who knows that he/she doesn't know

I can't agree more than this.
OK, lets stop for now, altho this is rather long entry.. hihi see ya
wassalam

throw away sad feeling

Someone asked me to add her into the list of ppl who are allowed to read my blog (let's call it the circle of my blog reader =P) well i'm glad tho.. coz i thought there's no one that i know or know me that read my blog.. it's just lame.. uncool.. stupid.. whatsoever.. hahahaa
I'm gonna leave my sad feeling behind.. i dont know.. mayb it is the best solution for me.. i can laugh it off.. i can brush it away.. but i didnt know that betrayal really leave me wounded.. really big and deep scar.. opss sori sori.. ok ok.. let leave it behind..

My revolution now is i'm going to read at least a book per week.. n this week book is about patient according to our beloved al-Quran.. i just reached the middle part.. well.. other than my course book.. i've never finished reading an english book except the one for children (ermm story book i mean.. haha) so it's kind of hard and amazing.. hahahhhhaa.. the book is about how the faithful ppl deal with everyday life through the patient and the comparison to the unbelievers.. well it really shocks me.. because all this while i thought i have at least a bit of the patient that al-Quran said.. but then it's not a bit the same.. i feel ashamed to Allah and myself.. hahhahha as ppl said nowadays.. shok sendiri.. =P before i read the book i thought.. owh this is just gonna be a reminder for myself.. when u said reminder.. then it must be something that i'd already heard about it.. but believe me.. when you read the book when u're in trouble.. automatically u will compare what the book said and what happened to you.. and believe me.. you will say that you are among the unbelievers.. because the characteristics of the faithfuls is just far from us.. believe me.. read the book.. from you believe that you have the patient as said in the al-Quran.. you find you are trying to practice the patient from scratch.. ermm wait.. i'm gonna find the book and write the title.. "the importance of patience in the Quran" by Harun Yahya.. it's just a thin book with about 93 pages.. someone gave it to me.. may Allah reward her/them..

oklah.. i feel somewhat refreshed after write something here.. altho i dont know whether this will be useful.. i'm not gonna erase/delete my jahiliyyah entries.. because i believe that all of the entries are me.. i'm the one who wrote them.. mayb you can't believe it when you read about something that you thought that's not me at first.. but i want to change.. only Allah know if i've changed or not.. what's that matter is the effort.. not the result, am i right? hehe.. may the best be bestowed upon you and do ur best in whatever you do..

wassalam

Since I blocked any entering into this blog, I've been writing bad and sad things.. I wonder why? mindset kot.. and i need someone yg bulih keep my secret and saye bulih percaye sepenuh hati.. yup.. saye xdek org mcm tu.. my head's been weighing all the hardships and sadnesses to the point that i cant see the fact that committing suicide is a bad thing.. why? why i feel like this? I feel that if i die, i can be free from all the problems and troubles.. no!!

i want someone who i can tell her everything that i cant bear.. i want someone that will say everything will be fine.. i want someone to say to me that she will always be there for me.. i want her hand to caress my hair and let me cry my heart out.. i've always been a bad muslim.. i forget about Him and when my problems piled up, i regret being in this thariq.. yup.. i'm a bad muslim..
dr pg td i feel so lost to study.. even to reply emel from company.. then my housemate ask me to join her in our usual dinner as she wanted to go somewhere else.. but i said it is too early so she asked me to wait for her at 8pm to eat together... but not too long after she went out.. my another housemate invite me, but i said that we are supposed to eat at 8pm, as we promised our housemate, but she said she wants to go out.. so she siad she will eat first.. the b4 8pm, she was already at home.. so i asked her but... nah it's nothing special.. but one thing i learned today.. to us, there's rule that unconsciously created.. there's no such thing as 'our' mad'u.. my mad'u is mine alone and dont touch..
hahahha dgn ilmu saye yg kecik dan pendek ni.. mmg saye x layak nk nasihatkan dier.. and there're no dose n pahale dlm ijtihad dakwah.. as long as our destination is Allah Swt alone.. but why? why such respond? adekah sbb saye jeles sbb dier ade someone yg dier bulih adu.. yg dier akan pegi cite sume bende.. sume bende baik n jahat.. saye kalo gaduh ngan org, saye akan cepat lupe.. sbb saye tau saye byk salah ngan org.. tp kenape gaduh yg satu hari itu saye x leh lupe.. kenape? adekah sbb keburukan n keaiban saye terbuke luas? adekah kerana dier 'sakit' tp punya doktor, manakala saye sakit, saye tiada doktor?

ahh saye sudah penat mengeluh mengenangkan nasib hidup saye.. haha.. bagaimanakah takdir hidup saye? miserable kah? bagaimana pula dgn pengakhiran hidup saye?
jwpnnye: wallahua'lam

The lowest moment in my life

Assalamualaikum wrt..

I cant count how many times i sighed today.. ermm it's not only today.. people said we can write anything we want in our own blog.. so 2day i want to let out some steam.. (literally too.. hihi terase telinge makin panas) i think now is the moment when my emaan is below the normal area.. i can feel it.. even i think there was no berkat for me 2day.. when u feel that you've been doing nothing but the time flew really fast.. then it's one of the signs that no berkat in ur action for that day..

I really envy one of my friends, she can say anything she wants in her blog and dont bother with others.. well many will say that it's not necessarily a good thing.. well for me, it's one thing that i want.. i'm too conscious about others around me.. even to ask for help, i cant say it.. to correct any misunderstanding, far from open my mouth.. and i end up hurting them more everytime i say anything.. *sigh* ~no it's not good to sigh.. but i cant keep it any longer.. i dont have anyone... and people always say, when u're facing trouble (mehnah), anything.. go to Allah SWT.. but i'm too sinful.. i've done so many things that even people will surprise upon hearing what i've done.. but there's an ayaat, saying that people who dont turn up to Allah WT, dont ask for help, dont ask for anything.. they're the 'sombong'est people (i cant find a better word coz i think sombong is the most suitable word) it makes my nose running sometimes.. but when things became worse.. i cant help but thinking that i'm too helpless.. i cant be forgiven.. thats why i'm still like this.. but deep down i know.. i'm the one who should running to Allah SWT..

i opened my door.. went downstair and tried looking for people... i needed someone's warmth, physically.. but i couldnt knock on the door.. coz i know i've been a nuisance to others.. i went to the kitchen.. i found someone.. u know how relief i was at that time.. but.. there was not even a smile on her face.. how can i say anything to her.. my mood just went a step down..

i really dont have others.. this is my closest relationship.. i'm not even this close with my coursemates, my family.. it's because i have short-termed memory lost? i cant help it.. i dont even want this.. so when i need someone.. it's not i cant go to her.. i dont have any.. i'm not trying to collect sympathy from others.. but i dont have anyone to tell.. to cry on her shoulder.. to let her give a little hug to me.. ah! i dont want to continue anymore..


now i looked back in my life.. it really sucks.. =((

Something around you~

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Just now i suddenly have an urge to open my friendster page, and i did. With the song 'Sunnah orang berjuang' from Hijjaz, i checked my sibling's friendster. To say that i'm immune to the reality in Malaysia, that's not even close and i'm grateful for that. Because if i'm really immune to the reality then the ghazwul fikr is successful.

While looking at the pictures, i compared my life with theirs. Yup! I'm not being fair. But it makes me think back why i'm doing this. If i live my life like theirs, then i can be 'happy' like them. Urghhh!! Suddenly i dont have 'the heart' to write about this. It's not that i dont want to. But i dont ppl to think that i'm just stating a list of excuses to why i became like this. Yesterday, my friends said something like their friends feel like they're being used. In my inner-self, i dont know why, but i pity them. Why? Well, at first before i knew this path, i befriended with everyone regardless of what intention i or they have. Be because of study, or because of i was in the same class before or whatever. And after i'm in this path, i see everything as what Allah wants me to do. So, to my friends before, i just cant switch my intention just like that. And i'm supposed to do that, but i'm not. Yup! I'm being disobedient to the extent that i cant say anything to my usrati. =((

Well, i have to go now. I'm having usrah perdana, held by MCOT at McDougle. Please pray that Allah always with us, inchaAllah.

wslm wrt

Sound of the night

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Just to let you know that, i've changed (just now hihi) the song playlist. Hahahaaa.. the songs (i mean in the new playlist) adalah lagu2 yang saye baru jumpe and baru suke hihi.. well, enjoy and if u have any request.. just let me know k.. hihi..

wslm wrt

Kuasa Dia

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Hampir pukul 1 pagi, hati tidak senang. Rasa seperti yang tidak kena. Lenguh duduk bersandar sambil menyiapkan kertas kerja, saya cuba membetulkan duduk. Tiba-tiba laptop kelihatan sedikit bergetar. Ah! Lenguh sangatkah lutut sampaikan ia mampu menggegarkan laptop di ribaku. Sememangnya ia fenomena biasa kaki tiba-tiba menggeletar kerana tersangat lenguh atau kadang-kadang kerana terasa tersangat sejuk.
Namun, gegaran itu makin kuat. Katil dirasakan bergoncang ibarat ada kuasa yang menggegarkannya. Gegaran itu makin kuat ibarat dinding di sekeliling turut dirasakan bergegar. Ku pandang keliling. Benarkah apa yang aku rasakan ini? Disebabkan kedudukan rumah di tepi jalan besar, kadang kala jika trelar(betulkah ejaannye =P) melintasi jalan tersebut, gegaran beratnya pasti sampai ke rumah, tapi aku pasti tiada bunyi trelar melintasi jalan itu.
Lalu aku bangun dan menyingkap langsir untuk melihat adakah hanya itu perasaanku sendiri. Ku lihat manusia di luar sana masih seperti biasa, bersuka ria dengan dunia, tidak sedar akan peringatan itu. Tidak sedar akan mala petaka yang datang bersurat. Aku tutup kembali langsir, termanggu sendiri.

Adakah kupatut biarkan saja gegaran itu? Atau patutkah aku mengingatkan yang lain? Teringat kembali sudah ada beberapa peringatan sebegini dihantar, namun apakah jawapan manusia? Setelah pagi, penuh di mailis, manusia membicarakan tentang gegaran itu. Oh! Bukan aku saja yang sedar. Namun, ilmu geografi bukan setakat di kertas peperiksaan. Setahu ilmu di dada, UK bukan terletak di lingkaran gunung berapi tapi bagaimanakah ia boleh dilaporkan bahawa UK akan mengalami gegaran sebegitu lapan atau sembilan kali setahun. Andai Tuhan mahu, ia akan terjadi. Tanpa halangan, juga penghalang. Wallahua'lam.
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Sudah tibakah masanya? Adakah sudah cukup persiapanku? Adakah cukup yakin ini jalan yang sepatutnya kulalui? m(_ _)m ku bersujud meminta ampun. Ya Allah! Pimpinlah kami ke jalan yang Kau redhai....

My complicated existence

Assalamualaikum wrt..

For every person that read my blog, i beg you please dont say a word about this. Either to me or to other people. Because i dont want to see another person shed tears because of me, again. I'm completely clueless. I'm completely speechless. I dont know what to do.

If you make a mistake, ask for forgiveness.
If you make someone mad, ask for forgiveness.
If you hurt someone either physically or mentally, ask for forgiveness.

I repeated those words a few times. But it hurts so much that nothing came out of my mouth. My tears wont be enough to compensate all the tears and scars that caused by me. I truly didnt intend for it to happen.

What happened was, i caused something that make someone cried. Very terrible thing. It hurts.

Oh God! It hurts!
It hurts so much..
I never ask for it to happen..
But it happened!!
Because of my weakness..
Because of me..
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.
.
Oh God!
Please dont let me hate myself!

A relationship with guilty feeling

Assalamualaikum wrt..

I have a friend, who is very dear to me (well i'm not saying that i'm ranking each of my friends but each of my friends is very dear to me in their own ways). Sometimes i feel guilty toward her because i'm not doing a good job as her friend. Claiming as her friend but doesnt have the right to be called like that. It's been a while that i didnt chat with her, and when i had to ask her something, i feel somewhat very guilt and sad. Why? Because if not 'that something', it'll be a while before i can 'senyum sorg2 or gelak sorg2' while chatting with her.

While we're chatting, she said something about her blog then apologized to something that i didnt feel like she is wrong. Again, i feel guilty. Very guilty to the point that i feel angry to myself because i didnt notice her pure intention. I dont want to receive any 'thank-you' or 'sorry' from my friends because i really dont deserve it. Futhermore, people always said that there's no 'thank-you' or 'sorry' among friends.

After a few days i didnt read her blog, i clicked the link to her blog. Wow! I missed a few of her entries. *Slap to my face* Really! What kind of friend i am?? Then i read one by one. Oh! How i miss her remark in her writing. You know, sometimes you'll know who write what through her writing. Her remark, sometimes, make me envious of her because it shows that how lively her life is, and how dear we are to her. Hihi!

Thank you God because You let her stay by my side!
Thank you God because she wants to stay..
and Thank you God because You give this wonderful friend during my thornful days

wslm wrt

Seorang gadis - Nowseeheart

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Ingat tak lagi lagu nie? Lagu ni oleh Nowseeheart, dah lama dah dan kita pun memang dah pernah dengar. Cuma saya nak ajak kita imbas kembali lagu-lagu lama macam ni. Well, enjoy it! And iA i'm planning to make a video according to the lyric. =D

Seorang gadis - nowseeheart

Ada seorang gadis
Termenung di jendela
Memikirkan nasibnya
Yang telah ternoda
Terpinggir terhina
Kerna dosa-dosa silamnya

Ibunya telah tiada
Begitu juga ayahnya
Mengharungi dunia
Tanpa pedoman di jiwa
Keliru hatinya
Antara syurga dan neraka

Pada siapa
Harus dipinta
Secebis rasa seulit mesra
Di akhir noktah
Usia dirinya
Yang akan berhenti jua

Deraian air mata
Menangisi dosanya
Rebah dia mengharap
Keampunan Tuhannya
Serta ketenangan
Mengharungi dunia yang fana

Umurnya masih muda remaja
Tetapi terleka kerana
Nafsu yang mengaburinya
Namun Tuhannya masih
cintakan dirinya
Walaupun dosanya
Selautan dunia

Mengapa perlu berasa
Berjauhan dari Yang Esa
Sedangkan Allah sentiasa
Merahmati hamba-Nya
Yang sering terlupa
Leka dan alpa terhadap-Nya

Harapannya subur kembali
Bukti kasih Ilahi
Syukur dia ditemukan
Jalan kebahagiaan
Mengukir ceria
Membenam segala
Kecewa.....

Yayy!!! My very first anak sedare =P

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Setelah sekian lame x chatting ngan my big bro.. pagi tadi dier online kat ym and kitorg chatting sampai saye x igt dunie hihihii.. byk update psl umah aside from update dari papa n mama (hihi well ramai org terkejut my siblings gune 'papa' n 'mama' :P)

Then my bgi bro bgtau my sis-in-law akan due 20hb july hihi.. waaaaaaaa my very first anak sedare!!! waaa selame nie saye dok blaja jage baby dari baby my frens.. tp skrg ni ahahahhaa.. yay!! waaaaaaaaa gumbirenye!!!

n satu lg yg mengejutkan saye =P my second bro yg giler amik mase lame giler utk heal from his first love, skrg lekat ngan anak kwn my mom.. hihi yatta!! yg huhu habeh la saye.. sure lepas ni saye lak yg kene pressure =P kamawang kamawang!!

thats it for now..

wslm wrt

Kapal layar

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Hari ni adalah salah satu hari yang 'membazir' bagi saya, saya belajar bahawa berkat itu penting dalam saat hidup kita. Tanpa berkat, ia tidak mendatangkan makna. Jika kita rasa waktu itu pendek bagi kita, kemungkinan besar sebabnya adalah ia tdak mendapat berkat daripada Yang Esa, di sebaliknya jika kita rasakan waktu itu panjang buat kita dan kita dapat membuat banyak perkara dalam suatu masa, mungkin kerana berkat itu bersama kita.

[7:96]
Dan (Tuhan berfirman lagi): Sekiranya penduduk negeri itu, beriman serta bertaqwa, tentulah Kami akan membuka kepada mereka (pintu pengurniaan) yang melimpah-limpah berkatnya, dari langit dan bumi. Tetapi mereka mendustakan (Rasul Kami), lalu Kami timpakan mereka dengan azab seksa disebabkan apa yang mereka telah usahakan.

Lihat kembali hidup saya, banyak yang saya bazirkan. Manusia selalu meng'analogy'kan hidup mereka dengan sesuatu yang lain. Umpamanya, ada yang mengatakan hidup manusia ini seperti roda, ada juga yang mengatakan ia seperti kapal di lautan. Tapi mampukah manusia itu mengambil contoh seperti mana dalam analogy tersebut? Katakanlah, seseorang itu percaya hidup manusia seperti kapal di lautan, sedang ia juga percaya segala cabaran dan dugaan yang dihadapi di dunia ini samalah seperti menghadapi ribut taufan dan ombak tinggi. Ya, dia tahu semua itu! Tapi bila tiba saat menghadapi sendiri semua itu, mampukah dia mengemudikan kapal itu seperti yang telah dibayangkan dalam fikiran?

Ada juga yang memegang prinsip hidup semata-mata untuk sekarang, tinggalkan yang lepas dan nantikan masa depan. Terlalu lengang dalam memegang prinsip, saya tidak pernah terfikir sebelum ini tapi saya sedar ia makin diterima masyarakat. Apakah yang menanti mereka? Adakah bahagia? Ataupun sebaliknya? Mereka bukan tiada perancangan tetapi mereka tidak mahu memikirkan apa yang akan terjadi kepada mereka. Riang ria bermain dengan ombak kecil, mereka tahu bahawa mereka bakal menempuh ombak ganas namun, prinsip mereka itu membuatkan mereka fikir bahawa mereka hanya akan fikirkan hal itu tika ombak ganas itu melanda. Bukankah ia nanti akan terlambat? Hah! Bagaimanakah manusia memberi erti kepada 'terlambat'? Sejauh manakah lambat itu? Atau sedekat manakah ia?

Sedar tidak sedar hidup kita ini penuh dengan persoalan, cuma kita perlu mencari jawapan dan isi tempat kosong untuk melihat gambaran besar. Menyebut tentang gambaran besar, ada satu kisah. Di suatu tempat, ada seorang pelajar di sebuah sekolah terkemuka dan dia merupakan anak kepada seorang usahawan berjaya. Amat bijak dan berpandangan jauh ke hadapan, tapi malangnya dia merupakan anak ketiga. Abang sulungnya sudah pun bekerjaya, di samping memuaskan hati ayah mereka manakala abangnya yang kedua sedang belajar di universiti, juga memenuhi kehendak ayah mereka. Oleh yang demikian, ayah pelajar ini memberitahu pelajar tersebut, "Abang-abang kamu sudah mencapai pencapaian akademik yang ayah mahu, oleh itu kamu pasti faham bahawan ayah sudah tidak berpuas hati dengan itu. Ayah mahu lebih dari itu." Dengan kata-kata 'semangat' daripada ayahnya dia cuba mencapai apa yang ayahnya inginkan. Tetapi dengan sekatan 'anak ketiga' itu, dia tidak mampu mengukur sendiri kemampuan dia. Andai dia capai lebih daripada abang-abangnya capai, masyarakat akan membawa mulut dan dia 'hanyalah' anak ketiga di samping harapan tinggi ayahnya dia hanya mampu 'melukis' pencapaiannya dalam bingkai yang sudah ditetapkan sejak dia belum lahir lagi sebagai 'anak ketiga'. Namun begitu, dia disedarkan dan percaya atau tidak, hasil usaha dan kebolehannya memang melampaui apa yang dapat digambarkan. Adakah dia sedar sebenarnya kemampuan dia melampui 'bingkai' tersebut?

[11:23]
Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan amal yang soleh, serta tunduk taat menunaikan ibadat kepada Tuhan mereka dengan khusyuk, mereka itulah ahli Syurga, mereka kekal di dalamnya.
[11:24]
Bandingan dua golongan (yang kafir dan yang beriman) itu samalah seperti orang yang buta serta pekak, dengan orang yang celik serta mendengar; kedua-dua golongan itu tidaklah sama keadaannya. (Setelah kamu mengetahui yang demikian) maka tidakkah kamu mahu mengambil peringatan dan insaf?

One kind of human

Assalamualaikum wrt..

There's one kind of human. They lack of love and attention. I wont say that they are demanding attention from other ppl but, ermm.. in proper words mayb because of the upbringing. This kind of ppl dont trust ppl easily. They build a very high wall around themselves, wont let other ppl to interfere with their life. They interact with others but once the others show the sign of wanting to step into their life, they start to back off. They completely shut themselves out of the community. You would say that this kind of ppl dont exist here nowadays. But believe me, they are among us.

You thought you know him/her, but when something happens, he/she just doesnt respond how the normal people does. They fear a thing named trust. They protect themselves against betrayal. They run away from love and their only friend are loneliness. They are alone and trust me, sometimes they dont even trust themselves.

Huh? What is this? hahahaa.. really! This kind of people exist. I was once like that, and i'm trying to break away from the shell.

We choose to be here, believe or not we're struggling. A drop of tear wont solve your problem, but crying doesnt mean that you're weak.

Seposen due dari saye yang tgh mencari tapak nak melangkah.

Give Thanks to Allah - Zain Bikha

D-Technolife by Uverworld

Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Shoulder the burden of the past that cannot be erased; don't throw away your will to live

Your hand that I held...

Will we lose it someday?
I want to protect you and that disappearing smile
The ringing voice that calls me dries out
Even if it gets erased by the wind along time
I will find you

Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Everything that happens in the unseen future has a meaning
So stay like this, there'll come a time when you will realize

Like a rusted person

It felt so hollow to just pile atop one another
You said you could live on your own
Just with the usual kind words
You ache to a point where I cannot reach you

Your hand that I held searched for some simple kindness
Do you remember
By learning pain, you can become a person who can be kind to others
Drive your Life

Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Everything that happens in the unseen future has a meaning
So stay like this, there'll come a time when you will realize

How can I see the meaning of life
Disappearing, you're the only. . .

So you will not break, you distance yourself from me
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Now it's by and by, even if you cannot see, there's a meaning to everything
Shoulder the burden of the past that cannot be erased; don't throw away your will to live

You'd better forget everything. Remember. . . your different Life?
You'd better forget everything. Remember. . . though, we cannot return

Like in times of warped memories, we can understand someday

I like this lyric because of a sentence,

By learning pain, you can become a person who can be kind to others

It somehow give me a new strength to keep going when i'm in pain.. haha really! such a simple thing
U'll never know..

Ukhuwah

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Sedang-sedang mengemas pakaian, saya mendapat message dari seorang teman, menghantar link ke satu blog yang saya tidak pernah lawati sebelum ini. Dengan satu ayat yang pendek tetapi amat menarik minat, 'article ni sesuai dengan korg' saya pun mula melayari blog yang diberi lalu mula membaca article tersebut. Tajuknya, Ukhuwwah terlanjur. Pada mulanya, saya agak malas nak baca article tersebut tapi apabila perenggan pertamanya agak menarik saya tinggalkan seketika apa yang saya sedang lakukan dan mula membaca article tersebut.

Agak menarik pada mula tapi di bahagian akhir-akhir article tersebut, saya makin hilang minat. Pada mulanya penulis tersebut memperkatakan tentang hubungan persahabatan antara 2 orang perempuan yang pada mula seperti hubungan ukhuwwah fillah seperti yang lain tapi lama kelamaan melencong. Setiap manusia inginkan teman, dan kadangkala tanpa kita sedar kita temui apa yang kita cari, dalam teman sama jantina. Bagi saya, ia tidak salah namun apa yang salah apabila ia melebihi batas-batas yang telah ditetapkan dan batasan-batasan itu juga logik dari segi aqal.

Dalam article tersebut ada juga membincangkan mengenai tidur sekali, sentiasa ingin berdua, semua itu tidak salah cuma apa yang salah adalah perasaan yang melampau dari itu. Di dalam program yang saya hadiri, tidur bersama adalah biasa sedangkan itulah yang merapatkan ukhuwah dan menghalang(compress --> i cant find the right word for it) penyakit hati seperti rasa lebih hebat dari orang lain, perasaan tamak, pentingkan diri sendiri dan sebagainya. Di dalam dunia yang kelabu ini, tidak nampak apa yang putih dan apa yang hitam kadangkala manusia masih tidak sedar. Hitam bukan sahaja datang dari luar, bahkan ia juga datang dari dalam. Bukan saya ingin katakan bahawa hati berpaling dari jiwa kita yang sebenarnya tapi memandangkan kitalah yang hidup paling lama dengan diri kita sendiri, maka sudah pasti kita sudah makin terbiasa dengan hitam di dalam diri kita sehinggakan ia kelihatan seperti putih atau kelabu.

Baru-baru ini ada seorang sahabat saya menimbulkan satu isu, yang sudah lama saya ragui. Bukan kerana saya menganggap ianya putih tapi disebabkan ia dilakukan oleh orang yang saya kagumi maka saya tidak mahu mempersoalkan hal itu. Ia tampak seperti putih tapi jika dilihat dari pandangan langit (secara keseluruhan) ia terang-terang sebenarnya adalah hitam. Seorang anak murid menghubungi seorang ustaz untuk membincangkan hal-hal ilmu dan dakwah, ia adalah biasa. Tapi apabila perbincangan melintasi hubungan personal, saya anggap itu tidak sepatutnya terjadi. Sememangnya hal itu tidak dapat dielakkan tapi di sinilah gunanya batas-batas, kerana tiada seorang manusia pun yang maksum melainkan Rasulullah SAW. Mungkin juga ia dilakukan tanpa sedar, dan sekaranglah masanya untuk membuka mata dan kembali ke dunia realiti. Wallahua'lam

Wassalam

Uselessness

Assalamualaikum wrt..

There's a story about a child that has been abondoned by his parents because of of his sickness. It's said that he will die in a few days. So as not afraid to his own death he's going on a journey, then he hears a story about a guy that dare to kill just for money. So, the child looks for the guy because he never believes that there's that kind of human who is will coldly kill others just for sake of money. Then he meet that guy. At first, that guy wants to kill the child but the child just doesnt fear him, even he cares for that evil guy. So, with full of curiosity and cant-believe feeling the evil guy seems cant bring himself to kill that child. The child gives the evil guy food and warmness till one day the child almost dies. The cold-hearted guy just dont know what to do, but just wishes and prays so that the poor child can live longer, and his pray is heard then the child lives.

But still, the evil guy cant believe himself, he never pray before but at the moment he couldnt do anything but prayed. The poor child believe that the evil guy saved him so he says to the evil guy that he will follow that guy everywhere and will do anything that that guy asks him to do. Then the evil guy doesnt say anything but just let the child does whatever he wants. So they go on a journey. One day, they arrive at the evil guy's friend's house. The evil guy's friend is not such a bad guy, but in a way an accomplice. His friend is very shock to the fact that the evil guy saved the child's life(well, in a way laa hmm not exactly saved the child but lets leave it like that). So, the evil guy's friend asks the evil guy what he intends to do with the child because the child will only slow down his journey and is actually a hindrance to his making-money-while-travel life. The evil guy cant answer that question because he also amazes at himself that he's willing to take care of that child this far. The child overheard the conversation and feel depresses because he thought that he has some kind of usefulness toward the evil guy. Then after a little thinking, the child decides to go steal a diamond to prove that he can be somewhat useful to his savior.

Then, i dont want to continue.. well the story after that is not important. What i'm trying to say, people need to be useful. We, human cant live without being useful for others. Not that i say we have to depend on others to live but we needs others to live. Someone came to me and said that they are useless. At that moment, i cant say anything. Why? Because i cant be any use to them. I cant get it out of my head, and i started crying. It's just like you have a cat and everyday live happily with the cat. But one day the cat stop looking at you and then starts distance itself from you. You still can live after that but you will feel useless toward the cat. "oh! The cat still can live without me. I'm the one who cant be happy without it. Why didnt i cherish it sooner? Why didnt i become useful toward it? I wish i realize this sooner' yeah! that kind of thought will flying all over you.

Haha what kind of entry is this? well i just to get rid of this uneasiness. Human are such fragile creature, right?

wassalam

Expect and to be expected

Bismillahirrahmaniirahim

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Ku doakan agar kesejahteraan daripada Illahi dilimpahkan pada yang berhak mendapatnya. Kadang kala kita selalu terfikir, kenapalah ujian sebegini teruk ditimpakan pada kita? Setelah berpenat lelah berusaha supaya jalan terus suci mulia untuk dilalui tapi ini yang pengusahanya dapat. Sedih! Sedih kerana diri masih belum cukup kuat untuk melawan segala anggapan-anggapan busuk yang menerkam hati. Teringat saya akan kisah ibu loaded dengan anak yang kurang kasih sayang. Seandainya si ibu sudah bosan atau tidak mahu megambil peduli tentang anaknya, pasti dibiarkan anaknya itu tanpa perhatian, tidak cuba membentuk anaknya itu menadi seperti yang dikehendaki. Pasti diberi berjuta-juta harta lalu berkata 'nah! pergilah kamu! Pergi main jauh-jauh! Aku tidak punya masa untuk melayan kerenahmu!' Lalu ditumpukan perhatian mengajar anak yang mendengar kata.

Malam tadi saya menghadirkan diri ke majlis bersama seorang ustaz dari Malaysia. Selama ini saya selalu berfikiran bahawa hubungan manusia dengan manusia perkara yang paling penting adalah 'expect and to be expected'. Dan ustaz berkenaan juga bercakap mengenai hal demikian. Biarlah apa jenis hubungan pun antara manusia dengan manusia, biarlah bibir mengatakan ukhuwah fillah, konsep itu tetap tidak hilang. "Ukhuwah is not a gift but it's something to work on. If we do nothing and let it grow, u wont get it", kata seorang sahabat. Benar! Bila saya tengok kembali hidup saya, inilah yang berlaku. Sedih!

"Masa lampau adala seperti cermn kecil di kereta. Andai kita hendak bergerak ke depan, kita hendaklah tengok di belakang menggunakan cermin itu barulah kita boleh bergerak ke depan." Kata-kata itu sangat terkesan di hati saya ketika itu. Ah! Mampukah saya menggerakkan kereta saya ini? Adakah Allah akan sentiasa membuka hijab penglihatan saya agar tiada malapetaka bakal berlaku andai saya mahu ke hadapan.

Kenapa rasa hati tak senang? kenapa otak penat memikirkan segala permasalahan yang sedang dan masih belum terjadi? Kenapa makin mendalam terlibat dengan manusia sekeliling, makin kronik masalah yang bertimbun?

Dia 'expect' kita faham masalah dia, dia 'expect' kita tiada bantahan terhadap apa-apa keputusan yang dia ambil pabila keputusan itu melibatkan kita. Dia 'expect' kita buat, dia 'expect' kita sedar.. ahh! Semua itu cuma hal kecil, berbanding apa sebenarnya matlamat kita. "Setiap kali timbul apa-apa masalah sekali pun, kembalilah padaNya. Kembalilah pada apa sebenar matlamat kita. Mampu atau tidak, berjaya atau tidak, susah atau senang, semua itu bukanlah hak kita untuk menentukannya."

Ya Allah, Engkau Tuhan yang Maha Pengampun, Ampunkanla dosa-dosa kami, dosa-dosa yang terhasil dari berperasangka buruk terhadap satu sama lain. Engkau tunjukkanlah jalan yang Engkau redhai dan Engkau tetapkanlah hati kami berada di atas jalan ini. Engkau hulur tali yang kukuh ini, tapi tangan kami masih tidak kuat untuk berpaut kuat pada tali itu, maka bantulah kami. Kuatkanlah hati sahabat-sahabat kami agar mereka dapat menarik kami agar berpaut teguh pada tali itu. Dan kerana itu ampunkanlah dosa-dosa kami kerana menyakitkan hati sahabt-sahabat kami. Amin.

Memories

Salam,

At times,
memories restricted our minds
but the mind can be freed
with new encounters
and now they spread their wings
to the future.

Wassalam

Only Human

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we're waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can't have a reason to run away
We've got to go, to that far away summers day

If we find it tomorrow, we can't sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we've grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further

As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on

Honest

Assalamualaikum wrt..

hahaha.. igt x yg my entry psl satu quote tu.. ermm lebih kurg 'i'm just a small human, my heart is moved by what's in front of me, rather than what the whole world need..' at first saye pk it doesnt 100% appplied in my life... tp saye rase it's the truth to some extent.. hahahaa.. *sigh* adeii...

at first saye igt saye definitely kne pk ape yg as the whole world need.. so that i can be that part of world itself.. but then again.. how do u define honesty? tell everything the truth eventho it hurts? well u can say it's very subjective.. depends on how that person thinks that affect how he/she define what's in truth that should be told.. sincerely, sometimes i think ppl are selfish.. i had a difficulty to understand my fren b4.. a lot of things happened, that i had to comfort a fren of his.. then she became my fren.. ahahha complicated nye bunyik.. i told her that human all are selfish.. no one wants to give without take.. mase tu saye mmg pk mcm tu.. no matter how complicated the situation is.. mmg tu yg saye rase pk betul.. n do u know, till now i still believe that.. lepas saye bgtau dier, my inner-self always searching for justification for that one stand.. till now n still i cant change that.. i still believe it.. i dont know myself.. ape yg saye tau mmg mcm tu.. sebaik2 manusie mmg mcm tu.. i dare not take Rasulullah SWT as an example as i dont know him very well.. but cnthnye org baik la.. he/she wants to do good deeds as Allah suruh n larang ape yg Allah larang.. thats bcoz Allah SWT suruh la dier buat.. it's for him/her-self.. it's not the karma.. sbb dier believe in Allah that he/she does it right?

ahahahhaaa.. sometimes i think my sentences are just not convincing enuf.. well feel free to have a private chat with me.. (cet mcm la ramai sgt bace blog niee.. ahahaha xpe2 just in case.. )

truth..
believe..
confidence..

the things i need..
stand straight
doesn't make the world moves
running and holding
also doesn't..

so, please give strength
strength to push myself
to the limit

My Life

Assalamualaikum wrt..

Have u ever feel like regretting things that u've might done? hmmm? camne tu ek? ntah la.. i'm not really sure but sometimes i feel like that.. sometimes along ur walk of ur life, u will look back as to find where did u make the mistake or where did u find urself satisfied.. then at some point u will realize that 'ah! i should take that path or else here i am.. i dont want this' or 'ah! y did i take this path..' n so on.. there's a saying 'its better u regret doing something rather than u regret done nothing' ahahahah well i'm not sure if we can really apply this to our life..

my life is a rather boring one.. coz i'm very fast attach to something n also get bored easily.. having live this life more than 23 yrs.. but it's really not that bad.. hav a dream but then havnt achieve something.. ahahahha.. 'to live is a happiness, but to make a decision is very hard. But we should never give up either in life also in making decision. Along the way u'll find what u really want to do in ur life. Human's life is not a straight road, rather it has a lot of turns n junctions. But after u make a decision, sometimes u cant turn back, or when u miss the junction that u're waiting for.' It's really hard, right? Well, it's just the matter of time.

wassalam

Quote.....

Assalamualaikum wrt..

i got this from somewhere.. ermmm mayb to u, it's not quite encouraging.. but.. heehee...

I'm just a small human,
my heart is moved by what's in front of me,
rather than what the world as a whole needs

We can do things step-by-step.. have ur own pace.. thats more important than having to push urself to the limit.. teehee

wassalam

Surat buat mama..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Assalamualaikum wrt..

Buat mama tersayang,

Jarum jam menunjukkan hampir pukul 11 malam. Mama di sana, sedang buat apa? Biasanya pada waktu sebegini, samaada mama sedang melayan papa menonton tv ataupun sedang tidur. Ah, rindunya pada mama yang tidak pernah jemu melayan papa di ruang tamu. Setiap kali Kakla (saya) lihat raut wajah mama sedang bergelak mesra bersama papa, Kakla tidak boleh tidak merasakan mamalah isteri yang penyayang. Ah! Malunya kakla nak menyatakan hasrat di hati tika ini, melihatkan betapa beratnya tanggungjawab sebagai seorang isteri. Tapi kakla percaya inilah hasil usaha mama selama ini kan. Kebahagian bukanlah hadiah, tapi ia adalah hasil dari usaha sendiri.

Mama pasti terkejut kalau baca tulisan kakla ni. Dalam keluarga kita, tidak pernah ada hubungan yang perasaan dilafazkan dengan mulut. Mungkin sejak kecil begitulah kami diajar dan dibesarkan. Seingat kakla sejak besar ni, mama tidak pernah melafazkan perkataan sayang pada kakla, tapi mama selalu buat sesuatu untuk kakla. Entah kenapa, tapi kakla rasa semua itu sangat dan jauh mendalam makna dan nilainya berbanding kalau mama ucapkan perkataan sayang semua itu. Mama yang selalu tersenyum dan ketawa riang di waktu kepenatan pulang dari kerja. Mama yang selalu ceria di hujung talian bertanya khabar di waktu kakla kesepian. Mama yang selalu membawa pulang sesuatu di waktu kakla memerlukannya. Mama yang mengajarkan kakla dunia yang kini kakla berpijak. Mama yang sentiasa memerhatikan kakla dari satu sudut dan menghulurkan tangan di waktu kakla sesat. Mama yang sanggup menadah tempias kehinaan kakla. Mama yang tidak pernah jemu memikirkan hal kebajikan kakla. Mama yang berperit duka tika kakla ditimpa dugaan dan cabaran. Mama yang menangis kerana kakla sedang kesakitan ditimpa fitnah dunia. Mama yang kadang kala di tengah malam menjengah tika kami berdengkur kerana bimbangkan kami walaupun setiap dari kami sudah dewasa. Mama yang sebak kerana jauh dari mata.

Andai kakla ingin senaraikan semua perihal mama, pasti tidak habis. Kakla tidak sesekali ingin katakan mama seorang yang sempurna. Tapi kerana mama, kakla sedar manusia tidak mampu menjadi seorang yang sempurna. Mungkin mama tidak berpeluang membaca surat ini, tapi entahlah. Kakla tiba-tiba ingin menulis satu untuk mama. Seingat kakla, kakla pernah tulis satu untuk mama, pertama kalinya, tapi entah di mana surat itu.

Tapi mama, andainya kakla buat sesuatu yang mama tidak restui atau sesuatu yang mama tidak jangkakan, maafkan kakla. Mungkin kerana kakla masih kanak-kanak yang sedang mencari dunianya sendiri. Mungkin juga kerana kakla sudah sesat, hilang arah di depan mata. Mungkin juga sedang mencari huluran tangan mama. Oleh itu, mama, harapan kakla, janganlah mama letih menghulurkan tangan mama kepada kakla. Dan andainya tangan mama kali ini tidak bersambut, maafkan kakla...

wassalam

Ngeri.. ngeri...

Assalamualaikum wrt..

At first i wanted to post a vclip about bullying.. (ppl consider it normal in japan) but something happen 2day which is from my POV (point of view) also quite scary.. hukhukhuk.. ermm just now i just finished cooking, something that nvr happened in my life b4.. ermm totally dont know wut to put into the 'masakan'.. the reason is i totally forgot that kami telah kahabesan perencah tom yam mayb to certain ppl, it's very trivial thing to get headache over it.. BUT waaaaa serius saye xpernah masak tom yam without perencah so saye mmg xtau masak tom yam buatan sendiri.. so memule saye kecikkan api dapur then bergegas ke bilek, carik kat internet psl ingredient tom yam.. tp x jumpe.. kebykan nye psl tom yam putih.. tp hukhukhuk.. n tom yam putih sgt sng sampai saye rase sgt x percaye.. hahahahhaa.. then saye berlari turun balik ke dapur dgn minda yg bertawakal.. campak jek ape2 yg terlintas di fikiran.. ermm bulih kate ingredient yg otak saye mampu bygkan.. gukgukguk.. well.. setelah berpuas hati.. kacau punye kacau.. the things in the periuk turn out to be really red in colour.. i stood there for a while.. thinking~ at last... i gathered up my courage then took a spoon n taste it.. hmmmmmm~ adeiii... i bragged to a few ppl b4 that i want to b a full-housewife someday.. i mean mayb after i get married.. but now i think i have a long way to go.. kikikiki.. actually the taste is not bad.. but wut i can say is it's not really tom yam but it's tom yam but not really.. n it's supposed to be one.. hukhuk.. tp oklaaa... hihi.. at least kalo bgtau org lain (normal ppl laa.. bukn nye mak mertue or chefs) bgtau yg tu adelah tom yam.. n bile diorg rase.. diorg mmg rase tom yam.. huhu =D sbb dah dimindsetkan bhw tu tom yam..=P

well here is the vclip that i said b4.. ermm actually i wanna write a proper one bout the vclip.. but hmmm mayb someday.. hehe (bertangguh lagik..)

if u think that things will go ur way if u've done nothing wrong.. u're far from right.. the thing is if u did nothing wrong AND u do good deeds.. then u'll hav it ur way.. human are such naive and fragile beings..

Numb - Linkin park

"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

somehow.. other ppl might say that this kind of song is useless.. not kind of music u should hear.. well some part of it, i agree.. but what make me interested in this song is the music video.. try watch it.. when someone with faithless, this is how u'll become.. dont know where to turn to.. dont know where to hang on.. thus looking for something that u might regret later..

sometimes i also feel like that girl in the video.. feel out of place.. feel like nothing goes right.. but that kind of stand, i cant let it become one with me.. thus i throw it away and try to strengthen myself.. n thats one of the reasons why i choose this kind of life.. when i gain -1, i'll try to counter it with +1.. n i know that my number is far from zero and the -ve number is getting bigger..

A: why r u doing this?
me: well i have my own reasons..
A: to save the world?
me: .....
A: or just to save urself...?

wassalam